From the same government think tank that brought you Precrime, it is our distinct privilege to introduce Prepost! This simple system promises to revolutionize postal logistics, allowing packages to arrive before they are even ordered!

The process is simple. Our precognition experts, whose exact nature, physical state, and location are not for you to know, will reach out into the aether with their minds and every time they find evidence of a future order in your name, it will automatically be placed in the here and now. Your account will be charged, and the item will arrive before you even knew you needed it!

Now, some folks may call this an overreach—after all, the future is always in motion, and who are we to say that a future order will be placed? Setting aside that our proprietary methods, which certainly do not include psychics and sensory depravation tanks, we have two mechanisms which will make the system of Prepost universally appealing. First, full refunds if we deliver by mistake, since the system is not optional and everyone is enrolled by default with no ability to opt out. Second, and the part that will really fry your noodle if you let it: many of the orders our Prepostal Masters see are, in fact, placed by them, creating a causal time loop from which there is no escape. Fighting future progress will only make it stronger.

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!