“So what have we got here?” said Lampwick O’Malley, investigating detective, Magical Affairs Bureau.

“Well, the deceased came running at Officer Strasser, screaming like a banshee; Officer Strasser, thinking that they might have been armed, shot them with 17 magic missiles,” said Lt. Burke, chief uniform on the scene.

“Whew! Good reflexes on that guy,” said O’Malley. “Put him on paid administrative leave while we fill out the paperwork. Oh, and make sure the perp’s wand is tagged and bagged.”

“Oh, there was no wand, sir,” said Burke. “Turns out the perp was not holding anything and was also on fire, sir. Seems he was rushing toward Officer Strasser in search of aid.”

“Ah well. Honest mistake,” shrugged O’Malley. “See that a wand turns up anyway, with its serial number sanded off.”

“Got it, sir.”

“So why was the perp on fire?” O’Malley said. “Drugs? Was he doing firesand?”

“Oh. No, he was apparently trying to refill a lava lamp with actual lava from the Elemental Plane of Fire,” Burke said.

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