Chick pointed at the ostrich that had charged Sammy. “Now we call the big male War, on account of his insatiable appetite for violence and bloodshed. Don’t you ever turn your back on him, or he will disembowel you with them dinosaur claws of his.”

“Why is he on display then?” cried Sammy.”

“Well, folks like him. Big ole ostrich attacking the gate is as close to a thrill ride as we got here.” Chick Spat on the dusty ground before continuing. “War is mated to the big female over yonder, who we call Famine. She gets that name on account of hos she steals food for everyone, even her own kin, such that some of her chicks done starved to death in her care.”

Sammy shuddered. “Do I even wanna know about that other female, the one that’s lying down with half her feathers missing?”

“Probably not,” replied Chick. “The smaller female is Pestilence, so named because she has what you’d call a predisposition to serious illness and injury. She’s suffered from salmonella of both the typhimurium and enteritidis varieties, chlamydia with the notable factoid as being the first bird in North America ever so diagnosed, avian mycoplasmosis despite a vaccination to the contrary, and of course good ole avian influenza. She’s also broken both legs and both wings, though never at the same time.”

Wincing, Sammy pointed at the other, smaller, male bird. “Death, I’m guessing?”

“You have guessed correctly. Last one is Death. We call him that on account of he dies, frequently. See, War and Famine is a mated pair, so any other male is naturally gonna try to shack up with Pesty. And given the wide variety of pathogens swirling about her at any given time, he usually punches his time card. This is Death XIII, and you’ll note he ain’t lookin’ too good, so we already got Death XIV lined up and waitin’ in the wings, so to speak.”

“My last question is…why?”

Chick grinned. “Because they’s cheap, Sammy. I dunno if it’s crossed your notice, but this ain’t exactly the Central Park Zoo here. The budget is the bare minimum to get Mr. Lysander his pound of flesh and not a penny more.”

“It can’t be up to code.”

“Oh, it ain’t. But let’s just say Mr. Lysander ain’t never had a proper inspection and leave it at that.”

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