Wide shot of a holiday shopping melee, with a large number of shoppers fighting over the latest hot toy of the season.

LADY CUSTOMER: Oh no! Little Brayden wants a web-enabled Hyperman figure for Jesus Day, but stock is limited! My precious male heir deserves only the best in everything from fashion to accessories, but I lack the wherewithal to do anything about it!

SENSEI KAREN jumps in from off-camera with the bang of a gong, dressed in a PINK GI.

SENSEI KAREN: What ho! A privileged youth being deprived of anything? Not on my watch!

LADY CUSTOMER: Wow! Sensei Karen! But it’s impossible for me to fight my way to the head of this crowd!

SENSEI KAREN: Nonsense! These plebians will be no match for my patented Elbow-Fu!

LADY CUSTOMER: Elbow-Fu? Tell me more!

A MONTAGE begins playing of SENSEI KAREN violently elbowing poor people out of her way, while she speaks in VOICEOVER.

SENSEI KAREN (voiceover): Elbow-Fu is the patented self-defense technique for upper-class and privileged women! Using only your elbows, harsh language, the warm blanket of white supremacy, and ever-present threats to unleash a militarized police force, you can defeat foes ten time your size in order to get what you are owed.

The MONTAGE continues, now with SENSEI KAREN’s comments audible. Each crushing ELBOW ATTACK is punctuated by a matching COMMENT.

SENSEI KAREN: Do you know who I am? I want to speak to a manager! I know my rights! I will report this to the police!
“You’re ruining my Jesus Day!

The scene switches back to the LADY SHOPPER.

LADY SHOPPER: Wow, thanks, Sensei Karen! With your patented techniques, I’ll fight my way to the front of this line in no time!

SENSEI KAREN points at the camera as the LADY SHOPPER wades into the melee.

SENSEI KAREN: If you, too, would like to unlock the powers of Elbow-Fu, register for a free starter class at the Sensei Karen’s Dojo near you, or sign up for our online classes! Sensei Karen’s: Get What’s Coming to You™!

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