Can it really have been two years since EFNB started? As amazing as it sounds, my count confirms 730 days in the archive. They may be short, but if nothing else we here at EFNB can be proud of sticking to the schedule. By way of celebration, the editors at Excerpts from Nonexistent Books have updated and expanded the list of our most prolific, albeit entirely imaginary, contributors.

First, updates on those who made our list last year:

Stepping Out, Satire on the Big House, A Gamer’s Thoughts at 5am, Portal of the Infinite, Meediv’s Lesson, Everyday Coincidence, The Leaky Vessel Empties, Writer’s Razor, The Last King of Ujram, The Day the Network Died, On Hypocrisy, A Continuing Story Parts 1, 2, 17, 18, 19

Our editors’ suspicion that at least some of the excerpts by “Anonymous” shared a common author was confirmed by a note received at press time: “While I didn’t do all the stuff with no author on your site, a lot of it is mine. Why the anonymity? Let’s just say that my true identity would, in the words of J. M. Barrie, ‘even at this date set the country in a blaze.'” The writer went on to assure our editors that heor she was in no way involved with the 2011 film (“rubbish”), the hacktivism group (“busybodies”) or the 13th century English student of medieval music theory (“wedded to an outdated notion of tonalism”).

Van Bullock
The Team, Icechip Heart, Speaking with Dead Leaves, High-Caliber Children, The Accountant and the Assassin, Olympian Memories, No Regrets

Vance Bullock’s novel about an icy assassin and her hapless male counterpart is making good progress. Bullock is at pains to point out that it is an adventure story, not a romance, and that there is absolutely no truth to the allegations floating around certain circles that the helpless male character is autobiographical. “If anything, it’s the woman that’s autobiographical,” he says, adding “that sounded a lot weirder out loud than it did in my head.”

Eric Cummings Jr.
Nothing vs. Firewall, Cynical Blows, Intercepted, The Firewall, The Last Email, Bases Unloaded, Santa Djinni

Eric Cummings Jr. is still toiling away on his autobiographical opus, which he hopes “will do for underemployed slackers what “Catcher in the Rye” did for spoiled and entitled brats.” At press time he could offer no definitive plot summary or projected date of completion, nothing that such uncertainty “comes with the territory.”

Calvin Higgins Joachimthal
Rejected!, Reboot This, The Dread Scale

In his communications with us, Calvin Joachimthal has blamed either “severe overwork” or “severe underwork” in Hollywood as the reason for not being able to write more. He has also made claims ranging from six-figure options on major scripts to “living in a refrigerator box uner an overpass.”

Nokin Kobayashi and Irene York
Sōtan and the Wayze, Novels, Reed Dolls of the Soul, Not Quite to China, The Tale of Nfashō in the Illustrious North, Major Tōakenkyūjo and the Exiled Mountain, The 1000 Insane Poets of the Late Dynasty, Fall of a Forgotten Emperor

Nokin Kobayashi (小林) has had a busy year, which has seen his literary output increase significantly. He donated all of his royalties for the last year to victims of the March 2011 earthquake, raising almost $25 for international relief efforts, and attributes the latest string of ideas to “jade teardrops from the throne of the sun, blessed with radiation” according to his partner Ms. York.

Irene York remains committed to the literary efforts of her other half, and served as a volunteer translator in the aftermath of the earthquake and tsunami. She claims to have been moved to action by the ¥1000 ($13.01) of damage done to her summer home in a neighboring prefecture.

Joe Kull
Fortress Gilvery, Soulstorm, Island of Souls

After a relatively long hiatus, Joseph Kull’s most recent submission had an attached note that read “Torn between using this and a not supernatural scene. What do you think–too bloody?” He was assured that we here at EFNB make no judgements on the content or bloodiness of any of our submitting authors.

D. P. Patterson
Healing Visions, Sara Dinch, Darkness Has Its Delights

Dona P. Patterson has been dabbling more in poetry of late, either items that depict her own state of mind or, increasingly, the outlook that her twin schnauzers Galaxian and Jaina, or her goldfish Yggdrasil, have on modern life.

C. Alton Parker
Prosperity Falls, Prosperity Rising, The Prosperity Play, The Prosperity Holdup

Catherine Alton Parker has made on and off progress with her epic feminist Western, but has admitted to distractions from a variety of sources. These include a prolific series of rejected short stories, health problems with her cats, a near-continuous string of sales at her local outlet mall, and a nagging feeling that the story will never be as good on paper as it is in her noggin.

Phil “Stonewall” Pixa
Beyond New Providence, Beyond the Interstellar Application Form, Beyond the Morning Star, Breakdown, Dome, Convergence at the Bar, Lights of New Providence, Peg’s Awakening, Peg’s Story, Reigo and Sauvagine
Phil Pixa has been throwing himself into his work of late, which he avers is the cause of his sluggish contribution schedule. While the middle chapter in his science fiction story is complete, he is at loggerheads whether to complete the others or try to move the story into a more contemporary setting. When asked about a setting change, Pixa cites the sci-fi section of a local independent bookstore where heaps of “shovel-literature” wait, unsold.

Jeanne Welch
Locke’s Specter, Locke’s Phantom

Jeanne is still working on her “tapestry that asks deep questions about identity, information, and Web 2.0 in the context of death and/or online stalking,” but record business at her public library job due to the global depression has made progress, in her words, “glacial.”

Altos Wexan
Across Worlds Book I: Heden’s Psyche, Across Worlds Book IV: Sands of Taas, Across Worlds Book V: Xencobourg’s Fury, Bullhorn Charlie and the Amazing Automat Pie, Dusk at the Diner, Lebedev’s Specter, Major Problems, Noir Rapids, Precinct Amputation, Purple Nights in the Furniture City, Second Chances, The Baroness in Winter, The Rise of Metromart #832, The Battle for Metromart #832, The Decline and Fall of Metromart #832, The Muse and the Completed First Draft, Tunguska Butterfly Back Cover Blurb, Verisimilitude, Winter Nightmare

Altos Wexan has continued his run as our most prolific contributor. He credits explorations of Borges and Lovecraft with his recent purple patch of creativity and experimentation. His “Across Worlds” remains sadly in limbo as Wexan’s obsessive need to take on new projects has led to unfinished forays into noir, action, and metaliterature. He speculates that university tenure will bring further efforts, corssing his fingers as he does so.