Millie wasn’t the type to kiss and tell–she was the type to tell while kissing. I think we all envisioned her texting with one hand during a heavy petting session with one of her many onetime suitors, posting to Friendbook about consistency, chemistry, and character. The gal had no filter, especially where her love life was concerned, and old anecdotes would be constantly dusted off and presented at the slightest hint of an opportunity.

Chief among those was the story of Millie’s 30-minute, ah, “organism.”

It’s not that we doubted her veracity. Millie was the sort of gal that took Pilates and yoga back-to-back with cardio to wind down, and her onetime suitors tended to be the same. Stamina of that sort often was fully capable of producing interesting “organisms.” When it came to interesting “organisms,” Milly was like Australia.

But the anecdote showed up everywhere. In the office. Shopping, whether at the mall or at a boutique. We never went to the Vatican with her, but I fully expect that she’d have trotted out the anecdote in full detail before Pope Francis (and I honestly would have paid good money to see his reaction).

After hearing a 30-minute wait time for pizza at a women’s club mixer led to the 30-Minute “Organism” being told in full to a mixed group including church grannies, the rest of us met in secret to discuss how to stop, if not all Millie’s inappropriate filterless stories, at least that one. The email invite was entitled “The 30-Minute Organization.”

And by the end, we thought we had a workable plan to rid Millie, and the world, of her ribald story for good.

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!