“Greetings, gentlemen.” Greg’s scooter whirred into the office, his girth bouncing slightly at the threshhold. “For those of you who may not know me, I am Sherwood Greg. Collector, scholar, dungeon master, level 26 elven sorceress, head of the Council of Twelve, and overall coordinator for Nerdicon.”

“With all due respect, sir,” said Officer Carruthers, “this is a crime of passion, and Mr. Sherman Gregward doesn’t exactly seem to be an authority on that.”

“I’ll have you know, officer, that I have four wives and two husbands,” said Greg. “In fact, I just tied the knot last week with a lovely Level 90 troll necromancer. We’re registered at Red Canyon Mining and Jewelcrafting in Orgrimmar if you’d like to get us something.”

“Just humor me,” Chief Strong said. “Greg?”

“Thank you, Chief.” Greg whirred himself up to the table. “It would seem a simple crime of passion, wouldn’t it? Two people meet online, and one of them gets very ungentlemanly ideas when he realizes that the other player has lives outside of World of Warcraft. Precisely why I’ve never met any of my wives or husbands in person.”

“So you agree that it’s an open and shut case,” said Carruthers.

“Not entirely,” said Greg. “Based on the email that I recieved from Chief Strong, I did some digging. It’s true that both the victim and the accused have World of Warcraft accounts. But your suspect has only a Level 1 Dwarf Cleric associated with his account. It’s true that the registration dates to before the murder, but the only character maintained by the deceased was a Level 99 Orc Death Knight.”

“So star-crossed lovers then,” said Carruthers.

“More so than you realize, Officer,” said Greg. “Dwarves fight for the Alliance and Orcs for the Horde. They can’t communicate meaningfully with each other in-game. And even if that were not true, a Level 1 character falling in love with a Level 99 character? Where, exactly, would they meet? What, exactly, would they do together? A Level 99 Death Knight can kill things that would threaten a Level 1 Cleric just by standing next to them.”

Chief Strong nodded. “So it doesn’t add up.”

“It more than doesn’t add up,” said Sherwood Greg. “It’s clear to me that someone created a false World of Warcraft account using the suspect’s preferred online handle with the intent to incriminate them for murder.”

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