238 – Gordian I and his son Gordian II are proclaimed Roman Emperors. They might just be the most laughable emperors in history as they were killed 20 days later without even getting so far as Rome.

1599 – Anthony Van Dyke is born. He becomes famous as the painter who made Charles I look sort of okay and the inventor of the Supervillain Beard.

1765 – Parliament passes the Stamp Act, requiring the Thirteen Colonies to pay taxes for more or less the first time ever. This leads to the American Revolution for some reason.

1797 – Future German Emperor Wilhelm I is born. His legendary muttonchops-and-handlebar whiskers seal March 22’s reputation for melodramatic facial hair.

1894 – The first Stanley Cup. Then, as now, nobody cares outside of Ontario, and the Upper Midwest.

1916 – Yuan Shikai, the last Emperor of China, abdicates. As he was a pitiful excuse for an emperor–a general who had seized imperial power and held it for only 83 days, we can see that March 22 is a good day for bad emperors.

1930 – Stephen Sondheim, composer of musicals your roommate loved in college, is born.

1931 – William Shatner boldly goes into the world.

1948 – Andrew Lloyd Webber, composer of musicals your girlfriend loved in college, is born. Stephen Sondheim has made a mortal enemy, but this will not become clear until The Singening in 2021.

1960 – The laser is patented. Pew pew.

1990 – Gunnery engineer Gerald Bull is assassinated. At the time, he was building Project Babylon, a supergun that would have allowed Saddam Hussein to shoot things into space. The two are definitely not related.

2001 – William Hanna, famous American animator and cofounder of Hanna-Barbera, goes off-model.

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