“What’s this?” said Dr. Karen.

“I can’t see,” said Splendificus the Prestidigitator from behind a mound of junk. “Describe it?”

“It’s, uh, a statue of a demon, I guess?” Dr. Karen said. “Maybe a succubus? Looks like black onyx or maybe obsidian, highly reflective. I hear the distant sound of children screaming when I’m near it, and when I touch it my hands come away sticky with foul and nameless ichor.”

“Oh, that’s the Totem of the Soul Eviscerator,” said Splendificus. “I used to use it to exterminate rats.”

“When’s the last time that you needed to exterminate rats?” For a warren of a century’s worth of hoarded wizard junk, Splendificus’s hovel seemed rather vermin-free.

“Not since I drew a circle of extreme vermicious unction,” said Splendificus, appearing from the other side of his junk mound and stroking his floor-length white beard sagaciously.

“Maybe it’s time to get rid of it, then?”

“NO!” the wizard shouted. “I need it! I had to murder a civilization to get it!”

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