CARL: This is Carl Drake, play-by-play commentator for NBS Broadcasting, coming to you delayed via the NBS Sports Podcast. The NBS Sports Podcast: what new talent outgrows and where old talent comes to die.

TOM: That’s right, Carl. This is Tom Hicks, color commentator for NBS Broadcasting, and in addition to the absurdities of putting two of its most experienced sportscasters in a low-bitrate format with no actual sports to commentate, we’re here to talk to you about Northern Mississippi University football’s coach, Mark Skywalker, who was let go this week in a shocking turn of events.

CARL: Only shocking if you hadn’t been paying attention, Tom. The NMI Confederates are 4-8 this season, their third losing season in a row, and they just lost a heartbreaker to Eastern Mississippi by a single point in overtime after leading the Bird-Dogs for three quarters.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, rumors of Coach Skywalker’s demise were rampant for years, but let’s not forget that he came to the NMI Confeds while they were under NCAA sanctions for paying players under the table and he was hobbled by both those sanctions and the ignominious end of his predecessor, who was caught up in a prostitution ring sting operation in Las Vegas.

CARL: Well, whether you think that Coach Skywalker deserved another chance or not, you can’t argue that the way he was fired was not the best.

TOM: That’s right, Carl. Normally one expects a formal meeting or joint press release, but in this case, by all accounts, the decision was written in eyeliner on a dryer sheet and Skywalker only found out when NBS Sports reached out to him for comment.

CARL: I don’t think we can repeat his reaction on the air, even if this is just a podcast.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, and even if we could I don’t think we could match his heady mix of disappointed stoicism and florid sailor talk.

CARL: Add to that the indignity of being fired literally as the first act of the Confeds’ new athletic director, himself less than two weeks in the position, and appointed by the controversial new NMI president who is himself on the job less than two months.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, and with both hires accused of corruption and cronyism, it’s anyone’s guess who will wind up as the new head of oblate spheroids at NMI–a position so prestigious and well-paid that even the salary is considered to be a Mississippi state secret. My thought is that they’ll try to lure Gunderson away from the Bird-Dogs at Eastern Mississippi.

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