“Say it.” Falco was facing Schultz now, advancing slowly and deliberately. The gun was still in his hand, less the two slugs he’d put into Lombardi, or whoever. Lowered, but with Falco’s finger still wrapped around the trigger.

“How…how can you expect me to perform right now?” Schultz cried.

“This is why I hired you,” Falco said. “That other stuff? Warmups. Most of you comics from the app don’t make it this far.”

Schultz looked at Lombardo, or whoever, who was on the ground. Given the neat entry wound, right between the eyes like a bindi, there was literally no doubt that he was dead as hell. “You hired me to watch you kill people?”

“Hell no,” Falco said. “My buddies do that for free. Look, kid. I’m a good soldato, eh? I do what my capo tells me to do, and sometimes, that means whacking people who ain’t so bad all things considered. Like Lombardi here. Nice guy. Went to church every Sunday. Has a baby girl. Shoulda thought of that before dealing behind the don’s back, but whatever. Point is, I need some cheering up.”

“I didn’t sign up for this,” Schultz moaned.

“Oh yes you did,” Falco said. “I read the EULA. You are here to provide wisecracks on contract, and you’re on the clock. You’ve seen too much, too, so if you don’t make with the funny when and where I want, it’s kablammo for you, capice?”

“On the clock or on the Glock,” Schultz said, miserably.

Falco chuckled. “Ha! See? It ain’t so hard. Now do me a better one. Get me laughing. Or join Lombardi here in sleeping with the snitches.”

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!