“What about this one?” I pulled up the next post on Hostr. “Perfect for our Halloween in December party.”

Missy wasn’t convinced—frankly, she hadn’t been convinced that “Halloween in December” was a good idea, even though I had a great spreadsheet showing how much money we’d save on party supplies and a suitably spooky host. “Nah.”

“Why nah?” I said. “Look at him. He’s perfect, and 75% off for the month of December!”

“Sweetie, he’s a werewolf and the party isn’t on a full moon,” Missy said. “He’d just be really hirsute and angry, it would be like hiring an Italian uncle.”

I popped over to the almanac site in another tab, then shrugged. “Granted. Okay, how about this one? He is 95% off and a full-blooded vampire from the Cluj-Napoca line.”

Missy scrolled down to him. “I mean, yeah, that is pretty cheap for a vampire from one of the Old Houses, and he has great reviews. But did you see his requirements? Count Erdély requires ‘one living meal per two hours.’”

“We’ll hire him for an hour and give him half a meal,” I said. “What about Suzie? He could eat half of Suzie.”

“We are not inviting Suzie to our party just so she can get half-eaten by our hired vampire host,” Missy said.

“Why not? Nobody likes Suzie.”

“We’ll like her even less as an immortal creature of the night.”

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