Josh Baiser, CEO of Orinoco.com, tented his hands as he regarded his board of directors.

“With the purchase of Advanced Lasers, the repeal of the Antitrust Act, and our acquisition of the MGM/UA film catalog for our Orinoco Flow streaming service, I’m pleased to report to you that we now have a 55% hold on the online shopping, media, and high energy physics markets.”

Light applause from the board was interrupted by a crash from high above as a man in a bright leotard smashed through the boardroom skylight and landed on the conference table. He looked up, crouched in a pose with one knee and one fist down, at Baiser.

“Your evil scheme ends here, Baiser!” the stranger said. “You diseased maniac! Did you really think you could execute your doomsday plan without my intervention?”

Josh Baiser looked at him blankly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Have we met?”

The man on the conference table straightened, thrusting out his chest. “MagnaniMan!” he cried. “Protector of the innocent, smasher of evil!”

“And you’re interrupting my board meeting because…?”

“You’re attempting to corner the high-energy weapons market in order to enforce your new and unholy monopoly!” MagnaniMan shouted.

“Uh, no. I’m really not. They’re just industrial lasers. It’s less than 1% of our total operating revenue.” Baiser shrugged. “I mean, I guess it sounds a little sinister, but-“

“You double talk can’t fool me!” MagnaniMan said. “You’ve monopolized the market through evil, nefarious practices!”

“Well,” Baiser said, “technically, it’s not a monopoly, as we have some domestic competitors and a number of Chinese firms are-“

“You’ve forced people into chattel slavery for your evil whims!”

“Hey, now, we pay them minimum wage,” said Baiser. “They get a 10% discount too. And a free subscription to Orinoco Flow.”

“I feel like these accusations are being made in bad faith,” one of the board members added.

MagnaniMan turned and blew on them, freezing the executive solid with his Arctic Breath. “You can rationalize all you like,” he continued, “but your evil economic empire ends today!”

“Well, I suppose we can do that if you want,” said Baiser. “But did you know that Orinoco.com also handles 99% of the world’s spandex?”

MagnaniMan’s affect slipped a tiny bit. “It…it does?”

“Maybe we should have a word about who supplies your costume before we start getting too rash, hm?”

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