January: Astronomers Reveal That, Due to Error, 2020 Extended by One Month
February: 31st Day Discovered in Most Dismal Month, Scientists Confirm
March: Citizens Should Beware Every Day in March, Not Just the Ides
April: April Showers to Merge Into Global Warming, Ice Cap Meltdown
May: Mayflowers Bearing Colonists Arrive From Alpha Centauri
June: Murder Hornets, Godzilla Sign Non-Aggression Pact
July: Dread Lord Cthulhu Announces Candidacy
August: Global Warming Upgraded to Global Boiling
September: Cover Fee Instituted for Labor Day
October: Pumpkin Shortage Leads to Gourd Pirates
November: Mutant Zombie Turkeys No Cause For Concern, CDC Says
December:Astronomers Reveal That, Due to Error, 2020 Extended by One Year
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