The remaining members of the Zombie House of Preservatives have voted to impeach Zombie President Brayne for a second time. Accusing Brayne of “formenting a buffet” by urging his zombie supporters to eat members of the Zombie Congress, the measure passed 50.5-49, which was enough to carry the House after 338 members were devoured by rabid Brayne supporters last Wednesday. It was technically a bipartisan measure, as the upper half of Mortician Party Representative Pons joined with the 50 surviving Necrotic Party members in passing the articles of impeachment. The remaining 49 members of the Mortician party, which includes the torsos of 6 members and the lower halves of a further 4, opposed the measure.
Mortician Party representatives gave a wide variety of excuses for voting to support Brayne. “We, really, deserved to be eaten,” said one party member. “It’s our own fault.” Another Mortician Party representative claimed that the pro-Brayne horde had been a “false flag attack” of living humans disguised as Brayne supporters. The most common response to questions about the vote from Mortician Party members, however, was “shut up.”
The impeachment now moved to the Zombie Senotaph, where a 2/3 vote among the remaining Senotaphers is required to remove Brayne and bar him from running for reelection in 4 years. Given that same body’s acquittal of Brayne one year ago, after he was captured on tape eating a world leader, a conviction seems unlikely. Despite the attack, Brayne’s opponent, “Dully” Oblongata, proclaimed that he still intended to take power even if he was exercising it from “within the stomach of the opposition.” At press time, Brayne had not formally responded due to the confiscation of his tongue by the Zombie Security Advisor, but had made a number of what anonymous sources call “angry noises.”
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