CARL: This is Carl Drake, play-by-play commentator for NBS Broadcasting, coming to you live from the 2k21 High School Robotics Championship.

TOM: That’s right, Carl. This is Tom Hicks, color commentator for NBS Broadcasting, and I am also coming at you live, albeit 6 feet away and muffled by a mask, from the 2k21 HSRC.

CARL: I have to note, Tom, that the epistemological data for six feet of distance being some sort of magic shield against infection is frankly rather lacking.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, it’s all part of the sanitary theater here in the University of Northern Mississippi Omnidrome, from wiping down surfaces for an airborne virus to pretending that kids under 18 are somehow magically immune. But their wrathful parents will not be denied this day so here we are.

CARL: Now, before the commercial break we saw a stunning turnaround as Team Robofop had their automaton explode, taking them out of contention for the lead in most categories.

TOM: That’s right, Carl. Building their ‘bot around cheap Chinese power cells led to an explosive result in the last match for the same reason Tom Jr. can’t bring his hoverboard to the airport anymore.

CARL: Uh, I’m sure that it was the foolish team of laowai brats misusing the glorious, and safe, technology benevolently provided at fair price and high quality by the General Secretary.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, how silly of me. Anyhow, with Team Robofop out of the running, who do you like for the coveted category of Best Overall Robot?

CARL: I’m gonna say that Team Belle of the Bot is a strong contender for me. I’ve never seen a robot that was able to curtesy and cut through two inches of solid Bethlehem steel in the same fluid motion.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, but I think you might be underestimating Team Mostly Armless. Their ‘bot had superior speech synthesis and music capabilities, after all; while I could find fault with some of their slant rhymes, the fact that the robot could both rap and beatbox freestyle was impressive.

CARL: I thought that Team R2-Wii-2 had a vey creative use of obsolete and hacked video game technology.

TOM: That’s right, Carl, though you know how I feel about video games.

CARL: You’ve made your position on them very clear, much like your first wife, while nevertheless continuing to do them despite the complaints, much like your second. But more importantly: do you think that meltdown we saw from Team Tin Can Do has eliminated them from the Best teamwork category?

TOM: That’s right, Carl, I think that little tantrum hurt them more than the name-calling we saw from Team Pro Botic and the thrown wrench that marred Team I, Killbot.

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