[JANINE is making drip coffee in the kitchen of a small farmhouse]

ANNOUNCER: We’ve replaced Janine’s Brand X coffee with new Revivify™ Extra Strength java. Let’s see if she notices.

[JANINE takes a sip and shakes her head vigorously.

JANINE: Wow, that’s strong stuff!

[From OUTSIDE THE FARMHOUSE, a sudden rumble!]

JANINE: The family plot!

[She runs to the window. We see the earth HEAVING, gravestones WOBBLING, as the dead ARISE and CLAW their way to the surface.]

JANINE: Uncle Jim! Grandma Josephine!

[Shambling to his feet, UNCLE JIM breathes a grim pronouncement through sepulchral lips.]

UNCLE JIM: We have AWAKENED, and now we go forth in search of living flesh to sustain our unlife!

[JANINE, shotgun in hand, attempts to barricade the door while wood splinters under undead assault as the ANNOUNCER speaks.]

ANNOUNCER: Revivify™: coffee so strong it will wake your ancestors. Find it in the necromancy aisle at your local supermarket.

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