The archaeologists of the future are not going to want to know about the wealthy and the powerful. The 1% will see to their own monuments for eternity, and there will be plenty to choose from. No, what the future needs is information about the common, average folk. And that’s where Valley of the Things comes in.

Valley of the Things is an initiative of the Squibbler Foundation designed to preserve common things and common people to be uncovered by future archaeologists. From our camppus in the Mojave Desert, we maintain an elaborate mortuary complex inspired by Ancient Egypt. Built to the same standards as long-term nuclear waste storage sites, our tombs are rated for 100,000 years of afterlife, and incorporate 3000 years worth of anti tomb raiding technology.

The best part is, Valley of the Things is free! Simply submit an application when you or a loved one is near death, and if you are accepted, you or your loved one will be ritually embalmed and buried with all your worldly possessions. We even have allowances for up to two embalmed automobiles and five pets!

Donate your body to the future: apply for a Valley of the Things tomb today!

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