It has been decided that having alien xenembryos removed is no longer legal for a variety of moral, ethical, and procedural reasons. As of this publication, removing an alien parasite will now constitute a crime of murder with all the penalties that entails.

Why this sudden change? Well, firstly, xenembryo parasites inflicted on unwilling hosts are living beings too. They were created by God, and if in His infinite wisdom and divine unknowable plan they need to be implanted in a host, then His will be done. The startlingly high rate of death from harboring this parasite, and of having it burst forth, is immaterial to this holy duty.

Second, exceptions will of course be made for the worthy. If you are wealthy, or well-connected, you can simply travel to a country that allows xenembryo removal. It should take no more than a month and a few thousand dollars, an easily bearable cost. Remember, if you are not blessed with the prosperity to indulge in this recourse, it is because you’re not holy enough!

We also want to make sure that there are consequences for actions that people have to face. Sure, an alien throatjammer may have used its proboscis to implant a potentially fatal xenembryo without your consent. But really it’s your own fault for provocatively flashing your throat around town and frequenting large swaths of Earth’s contaminated surface.

Some have asked if this new policy means that medical care for those who survive xenembryo implantation and torsoburster explantation, or if this represents a new policy to combat alien implantation attacks. The answer is no; we simply don’t have the budget for all that. Pray harder and ask for prosperity if you really want it!

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