Why spend money when you can make others, especially expectant mothers, spend it themselves? Baby formula coupons may not be honored.

Amulet of Scorrious
This precious amulet will allow you to invoke the aid of Scorrious, the Etruscan god of childbirth. But beware, it can be used but thrice and a god’s aid always comes with strings attached.

Baby Bottle Shaped Cookies
One of the few times you will actually want cookies that suck, and one of the only occasions where it is appropriate to put nipples on baked goods in mixed company.

This new revolution in baby care uses wi-fi enabled diapers with built-in GPS, moisture sensors, patented DookScent™ technology, and all in a package that is fully recyclable* and compostable**. Look for refill packs starting at $199.99!

Kevlar Swaddling
Guaranteed to stop projectiles up to 9mm as 1200 ft/sec, and made with the same quality materials that the US Army uses (ceramic plate inserts sold seperately). Because this is the world we as a nation have chosen to live in.

My Lil Autoclave™
Sterilize your way to success with this countertop unit, guaranteed to remove every trace of germs from bottles, toys, and small pets. Remember: the fewer microbes your child is resistant to, the better!

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