Superindendent Dean turned to the next page. “Next on the agenda is Mrs. Smith, who had a complaint about freshman art class?”

Mrs. Smith approached the microphone, carrying a textbook with her. “This is the art textbook that was sent home with my son Ezekiel,” she said, brandishing “Art and Artists, 12th ed.”

“Is there a problem with one of the illustrations?” Superintendent Dean said. “We specifically requested the 12th edition because it cuts David off at the navel.”

“The problem is Chapter 7,” Mrs. Smith said, turning to the page and holding up the volume.

“Color theory, prisms, and pigments,” Dean read.

“Exactly. My son Ezekiel is being taught color THEORY as if it is color FACT. I demand equal representation for alternative theories, and equal classroom time.”

The superintendant shifted uneasily, looking at the school board members to his left and his right. “Theories such as…?”

Mrs. Smith set down the textbook and produced a Bible. “Four hundred passages in the Bible condemn colors, and none sustain them,” she said. “My family and I are proud black-and-white creationists.”

“Uh, so you don’t believe in…color?” Dean said.

“Colors are false temptations sent by Satan, who is the Devil, to lead humankind astray,” Mrs. Smith said. “The world of the true believer is a world of black and white, and I refuse to subject my innocent son to your leftist, liberal, pro-spectrum propaganda.”

“Do you have…an alternate textbook…describing your, ah, theory?”

“It’s not a theory, it’s the truth,” Mrs. Smith said, indignant. “But yes, I do.” She produced a slim volume, ‘Black and White: The Two Colors of God,’ with an attractive chiarascuro rendering of the Sistene Chapel on the cover.

“Include this book instead of your unproven THEORY, remove all books on color from the school library, and stop filling our children’s heads with prismist lies when their parents know best,” Mrs. Smith said. “It’s a very simple and reasonable request.”

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