When reached for comment, the president and CEO of DustEZ dismissed the claims of TAFFY activists.

“Look, I understand where these ‘Treat All Fairies FairlY’ protestors are coming from,” he said. “Even though DustEZ-brand fairy dust grants humans eternal youth and the power of flight, I don’t want to see fairies harmed in the process of harvesting their dust. DustEZ and its parent corporation Dynenord Defense Systems is committed to ethical, sustainable, organic, free-range, fair-trade, low-sodium fairy farming.”

When the substance of the allegations–that DustEZ farms were keeping fairies in half-gallon jugs and fattening them on a diet of pure sugar to produce more dust per fairy–he added: “That’s preposterous. We keep them in gallon jugs and feed them the ground-up remains of fairies who have been dusted out.”

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