It’s well-known even in casual circles that the modern bathroom, sanitary though it may be, is a poor match for the modern splendor that surrounds it. The seats are uncomfortable, the white porcelain stains easily, urinals are barely a step above the old Roman urinam situla, and the lack of women’s bathroom space is well-known.

Less well-known is the source of all this suffering.

For you see, the current status quo is maintained not by any law of nature or efficiency, but rather by a shadowy cabal. Made up of fixture manufacturers, toilet contractors, industrial designers, and sewermen, this group directs the policies of bathroom design and construction with an invisible hand from the shadows. Profit is a motive, naturally, but also an ancient and quasi-mystical belief that excretion must be made as uncomfortable as possible that humans might grow to no longer require it.

The group has no name, but to many they are nevertheless known as the Bathroominati.

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