Sept. 12, 10:02 p.m. – under 21 – Open container, harrassment of officer.

Sept. 12, 10:37 p.m. – under 21 – Distributing candy “Planeteer rings” and begging passersby to “help summon Captain Planet.”

Sept. 12, 10:44 p.m. – under 21 – Asleep on park bench with open container. Ballistics confirms suspect originated vomit 23.2 yards away.

Sept. 12, 11:12 p.m. – over 21 – Wandering into traffic and demanding Grey Poupon brand mustard from motorists.

Sept. 12, 11:39 p.m. – under 21 – Urination on parked squad car, open container.

Sept. 12, 11:59 p.m. – under 21 – Attempting to ride what responding officer described as “skateboard with no wheels” and insisting that they had to “return to the year 1985.”

Sept. 13, 12:02 a.m. – under 21 – Broke into Hopewell Human Society. Declared to responding office that “when Gozer the Traveler arrives, all prisoners will be released.” Harrassment of responding officer, declaring that said officer would “perish in flames.”

Sept. 13, 12:57 a.m. – over 21 – 57 minutes over 21, suspect attempted to steal police cruiser.

Sept. 13, 01:32 a.m. – over 21 – Harrassment of officer; suspect kept tapping button on chest and demanding that the “away team” be “beamed up.”

Sept. 13, 03:14 a.m. – under 21 – Climbing courthouse clock tower screaming about “the soul’s midnight.” Harrassment of responding officer; suspect said “Your torments call us like dogs in the night. And we do feed, and feed well.”

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