Heeey there, listeners out there in Transistor Radio Land! This is your old pal Nine-Volt, AKA Nines, AKA Niner-Niner, AKA Volty. I’m coming at you live from my underground pirate transmitter, which the FCC has been trying to locate and shut down for well over five years now. Give it up, guys! Here’s a tip for you: that piece of steel you had dynamited in Matamoros last week was just a decoy.

Fact is, you’ll never find your old pal Nine-Volt, so you should just stop trying!

Before we hook you up with some more music, we’ve got some business to take care of. You might hear that sick beat in the background while I’m talking to you; many thanks to the fan who sent that reel in parcel post. It might just be behind all of old Nine-Volt’s pirate transmissions from here on out!

A fan in San Fernando would like to shout-out to Oswaldo Hernandez of Glen Valley, CA; she sent in a fiver and a reel of a song to be played for him. Thanks for the scratch! Your song will be played tomorrow at 4:20 PM Pacific.

A dark warning here from a listener in Kentucky for one “B.S.” This fan says “I am coming to kill you slowly and painfully” and sent in a reel with a song to that effect. Look out, B.S.! Since there’s no bribe, I’ll play you your death song whenever I get around to it, but you’d better grow eyes in the back of your head!

Finally, before we spin our next reel, I’ve got a package here from a listener behind the old Iron Curtain, who’s given me a manifesto to read and a reel to spin. There’s a hefty bribe for old Nine-Volt but it’s in Polish Zloty. Once I get that converted, we’ll see about getting your manifesto and your music out there. Listeners beware: it’s in Polish and it’s three hours long!

Inspired by the song ‘9V’ by Hiroki Kikuta, released under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license.

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