McCarthy’s Noble Eagle
Make a LIST of all the foods it’s your God-given right as an American to eat and then buy them with us! DENOUNCE anyone who would tell you otherwise!

McCarthy’s Noble Eagle is a proud American grocery for Americans, by Americans. There is no gluten-free foppery, no fair-trade pinko propaganda, no rainforest sensitive treehuggery. The Noble Eagle offers hearty delicious foods at prices that leave plenty in your wallet to donate to the NRA.

Speaking of the NRA, McCarthy’s Noble Eagle is the only non-firearms-related retail establishment to earn that organization’s coveted Depleted Uranium rating for its Cheese and Shells program. Cheese and Shells kiosks in Noble Eagle locations nationwide allow patriots to redeem Eagle Claws earned through customer loyalty for arms and ammunition with no waiting period and no ID required.

Most of all, McCarthy’s Noble Eagle is committed to low prices for red meat, cheese, and beer. Our food is sourced from around the globe and imported at incredible prices, be it Chinese beef, Tajikistan cheese, or Saudi Arabian beer. We know that global warming is a hoax, and therefore endeavor to get you the best bang for your buck regardless of how many acres of useless rainforest must be consumed.

Don’t forget to pick up some distinctive apparel from our store brand, Cross and Flag, while you’re at it. Make sure to join us for Nullification Mondays the second week of every month, where in-store events are held to flout unfair laws, court rulings, and constitutional amendments.

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