Q1
14:55 – Holding. 5y penalty.

12:55 – Unsportsmanlike conduct. 10y penalty.

4:77 – Posession by unauthorized spirit. 5y penalty.

1:00 – Too many men on the field. 17 unauthorized players ejected from field, 7.7y penalty.

Q2
15:00 – Illegal laying on of hands. 15hp penalty to quarterback.

14:12 – Holding. 10y penalty.

13:13 – Illegal hex. Blight End ejected for turning wide reciever into horned toad.

7:77 – Palpably unfair act. 10y penalty for all players in impromptu love-in.

5:10 – Unsportsmanlike conduct. 5y penalty.

1:05 – Leaping. 10,000 ft cruising altitude penalty.

Q3
12:21 – Offsides. 10y penalty.

10:46 – Intentional grounding. 1500 volt penalty through tight end.

5:57 – Unsportsmanlike conduct. 15y penalty.

2:28 – Pass interference. 15 gallons of Immodium AD confiscated. 20y penalty.

Q4
14:31 – Personal fowl. Illegal chicken escorted off of field. 5y penalty.

12:01 – Offsides. 5y penalty.

9:32 – Roughing the snapper. Sparky the Snapping Turtle replaced with his backup, Snarky the Snapping Turtle. 10y penalty.

8:18 – Targeting. Satellite Orbital Laser (SOL) guidance lock remotely disabled after severing tight end’s arm. 5y penalty

3:33 – Tripping. 12 blotters of lysergic acid diethylamide confiscated. 10y penalty.

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