SUN: As you know, I have been seem with many planets and I am certainly attracted to them. But I come before you today to announce that I am also attracted…to other stars.

REPORTER: But…aren’t you still attracted to planets?

SUN: Yes, but my attraction to other stars is much greater. If there were any nearby stars, I would probably move to meet them immediately.

REPORTER: So your preference is for other stars and stellar objects?

SUN: In fact, I am attracted not only to other stars but all objects in the universe with mass. That is the point of this press conference: I am neither heterostellar nor homostellar, but panstellar.

REPORTER: What does this mean for you going forward?

SUN: Going forward, I intend to act on my attractions, live them openly, and apologize for nothing. I welcome your questions.

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