SUN: As you know, I have been seem with many planets and I am certainly attracted to them. But I come before you today to announce that I am also attracted…to other stars.

REPORTER: But…aren’t you still attracted to planets?

SUN: Yes, but my attraction to other stars is much greater. If there were any nearby stars, I would probably move to meet them immediately.

REPORTER: So your preference is for other stars and stellar objects?

SUN: In fact, I am attracted not only to other stars but all objects in the universe with mass. That is the point of this press conference: I am neither heterostellar nor homostellar, but panstellar.

REPORTER: What does this mean for you going forward?

SUN: Going forward, I intend to act on my attractions, live them openly, and apologize for nothing. I welcome your questions.

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I know it’s not

realistic

But some days

I dream of

an open beach

Quiet

waves

at

sunrise

Not

a

person

or

structure

in sight

Just me

the sand

the sea

the sun

I know it’s not realistic

but I still dream of it

some days

in winter

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The line to the Bureau didn’t seem to be moving anywhere in a hurry; Adam tried to strike up a conversation with the man in front of him in line, a thirtysomething dressed in bright yellow coveralls and goggles. “What are you in for?”

“The name’s Sol Nechny,” the man said. “I’m a solar mechanic.”

Adam nodded, pretending to be fascinated. “I see! What’s a solar mechanic do?”

“We keep the sun in good order and running,” Nechny sighed. “I’d think that would be obvious from the adjective ‘solar’ and the noun ‘mechanic,’ but I know the state of grammar instruction in schools these days.”

That made Adam feel a little defensive. “Last I heard, the sun was part of the natural world and didn’t need mechanics.”

“Oh yes, I certainly must have things all wrong,” Nechny barked with exaggerated politeness. “After all, I only work in the bloody sun; surely someone such as yourself who’s never been knows more about it than I!”

“It’s a big ball of nuclear fusion, not some kind of steam engine!” Adam cried. He was pretty sure he’d heard that in some long-ago science class.

“Nuclear fusion? Are we going to talk about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny while we’re discussing old wives’ tales and myths? Do you honestly think an explosion of that size would just stay nicely put and provide free energy out of the goodness of its heart?” Nechny cried.

Adam bristled. “It’s not like I just made that up, you know! I heard it from a science teacher!”

“Nonsense cooked up by people with nothing better to do; not that we’ve any intention of enlightening them, of course,” scoffed Nechny. “Next you’ll be lecturing me about how the center of the earth is full of molten rock!”