SUN: As you know, I have been seem with many planets and I am certainly attracted to them. But I come before you today to announce that I am also attracted…to other stars.

REPORTER: But…aren’t you still attracted to planets?

SUN: Yes, but my attraction to other stars is much greater. If there were any nearby stars, I would probably move to meet them immediately.

REPORTER: So your preference is for other stars and stellar objects?

SUN: In fact, I am attracted not only to other stars but all objects in the universe with mass. That is the point of this press conference: I am neither heterostellar nor homostellar, but panstellar.

REPORTER: What does this mean for you going forward?

SUN: Going forward, I intend to act on my attractions, live them openly, and apologize for nothing. I welcome your questions.

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!
Advertisement

“The name comes to us from the Greek planetoi, which literally means ‘I wander.’ They, like many of the ancients, noticed that some stars seemed to move about the sky rather than remaining stationary, and hence they were known as wandering stars. Today, of course, we know that this is not the case, and that the orbits of the planets are more or less fixed in relation to the Earth. Their apparent wandering is but an illusion.”

“We all know this, Hempsey,” said Cullins. “Why do you prattle on telling us things we learned as students?”

“I am simply building up to the point of my discussion,” Hempsey replied evenly. “I ask you: what if one could prove those long-ago Greeks prophetic?”

“Surely you don’t mean-”

“Oh but I do,” Hempsey said. “Our astronomical observatories in Siam, Prussia, and Newfoundland confirm that, as we speak, a rogue planet is passing through our solar system.”