So hear me out. I think that ducks are behind it all. Ducks and their allies the geese and the swans. Not the grebes, though, or the loons. They are on our side.

Think about it: before the rise of mankind, ducks and their allies could move about freely and migrate as they pleased. But we put a stop to that, with all our hunting and our terraforming and our pollution. So what is the solution? End humanity!

That’s why all those flocks almost caused World War Three when they appeared on military radar. That’s why they suicide bomb planes. And it’s why they take over parks and claim them as their own. It’s all a long con to drive humanity to extinction.

They’ve been manipulating us all along, and no one has clean hands. Wake up to the truth! This may just seem like a duck related conspiracy theory, but I swear it’s true.