March 2018

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Sweetwater Farm
The Sweet family came to the island seeking a peaceful place to escape the temptations of modern life. While they were successful in the latter, the former is somewhat elusive given their large number of small children, small chickens, and Rocky Mountain Whooping Llamas. At dawn, the din from Sweetwater Farm can be heard all the way across the estuary.

Weather Station
This field station allows a live-in crew of scientists from Sim State University to study the weather systems coming in from the coast and provide early warning for violent sou’westers. During sunny weather, the field station researches local wildlife and river sedimentation, which accounts for the legendary boredom of its staffers and the rumored construction of a high-speed internet gaming lounge.

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The modron, following its directives to the letter, chased after Thrombonius’s dancing lights spell. It trundled out of Short Shrift Dry Goods, across the flat plan of the private floating island, and tipped over the edge into the oblivion of the abyss.

“Sure, we’ll take you to our friends,” squeaked Squib the imp.

“Yeah, right through here,” peeped Gippy the dretch.

“Womp Rat” was shuffled through the door to see a deviless wearing an immaculate suit grinning across from a demon in heavy, almost comical armor.

“Well, hellooooo,” the deviless said. “We’re here because the same soul was sold twice, but perhaps you’d like in on the transaction?”

The elf was a teenager, fully grown but definitely considered a mere child at best by her long-lived brethren, with thick homemade spectacles and wearing an outfit that was an exact replica of Silius the Mage Queen from a popular scroll.

“Well,” Mixie said. “My friend, by best friend sort of–we kinda have grown up together–her name is Celeria. She kinda sold my could to both the demons and the devils. I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean it.”

“ULRIC WOMP RAT THON!” screamed Brynhildr as she stomped down the inn’s corridor, attracting a train of shocked imps and dretches in her wake. “YOU JUMPED OFF INTO THE NOTHINGNESS OF THE ABYSS AND LEFT US BEHIND? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

Thrombonius’s ectoplasmic snot once again found its mark, gathering up every imp and dretch in the hallway before pasting them to the wall in a coagluated mass.

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Stop Stalin and Start Russian: Getting Foriegn Capital for Domestic Evil
Ballroom 1, Kansas City Convention Center

In our keynote, a major speaker that cannot be named for security purposes will talk about how to successfully seek funding from Russia and other countries for acts of evil right here in the USA. The unidentified speaker, whose name and title rhyme with Malcontent Bump, will walk listeners though the process from start to finish. Attachés from the embassies of evil-friendly counties will be available afterwards for speed pitches!

What the Duct: Hero-Proofing Your Evil Lair
Maple Leaf Ballroom C, Marriott

Can people crawl through your ductwork? Is your waste system adequately sealed to prevent ingress? Are your anti-air defenses up to snuff? Certified lair architect Franc Lloyd Wrong will go through a list of basic safety checks to make sure your impenetrable lair stays impenetrable.

More Than a Pipe Dream: Municipal Sewers as Pathways to Evil
Typhoon Room 2, Holiday Inn

While everyone knows the value of sewers as evil lairs, they can also be used to move troops, scatter robot drones, and spread toxins among the populace. Learn the tricks and pitfalls of turning municipal water systems into rivers of evil from Underdweller Cathos.

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To Thine Past Self Be True: Time Travel for Fun and Profit
Falling Water Room C, Marriott

In this presentation by Count Dread and Count Dread from 2082 AD, learn about how your most powerful ally in the fight for evilmay be yourself. Get valuable tips on avoiding paradoxes, sharing information, and winning big (but not so big as to prompt an investigation).

Mad Science Oratory: Monologuing Without Giving Them the Upper Hand
Kansas City Convention Center 211

Everyone enjoys a good evil gloat. But what if that gives your enemies an opening to turn the tables? In this illuminating lecture and roleplay, The Bloodpire will demonstrate how to monologue without opening yourself up to reprisals.

Get Your Side Hench On: Recruiting and Retaining Henchmen with Über
Eternium Suite 2, Holiday Inn

Traditional methods of henchmen recruitment have been in decline for years. Enter Über, an app that allows you to hire short-term henchmen for just as long as you need them at any time. Better still, they provide their on weapons and transportation! Learn ho to take advantage of this new economy to fill your ranks ithout breaking the bank.

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Dr. Marcus Entwhistle, PhD
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Matthew Skotchdople
Veronica Eastep III
The Estate of Guy Pringle
Billie-Kathleen Flaherty
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The Puddicombe Family
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Hope Berkley
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