Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

The Portable Forest

This appears to be a rather large chestnut ringed with gold wire, but when the command word written upon it is spoken and the item placed on the ground, it will magically create a forest of one acre from that spot. The forest will contain trees, understory, and leaf litter, but no animals, and will not take the place of any preexisting structures, growing around them instead. If the command word is uttered a second time, or one week elapses, the forest will return to its chestnut. It will also “contract” if any major damage is sustained by any of the summoned trees. The forest must recharge for a period equal to the amount of time it was deployed, with an additional day for every tree damaged or destroyed. The item was the creation of Druidess Eurrse, whose sigil is upon it, for the sole reason of giving her a forest to look upon during her travels.

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The Shillelagh of Fortitude

Shillelaghs are well-known as both walking sticks and weapons, so one such stick with the unmistakable sigil of Magister Satteur, one of the most powerful arch-mages ever to live, certainly excites the imagination. The stick is obviously intensely magicked, and will show a powerful aura under a magiscope. This has led to owners assuming that the shillelagh is a powerful magical weapon or a brilliant piece of defensive magic. However, years of intensive study–supported by Satteur’s own handwritten notes–indicate that it is a simple walking stick given near-infinite durability and resistance to breaking. Intended only to aid Satteur on his rambling walks later in life, the shillelagh has nevertheless inspired intense curiosity and jealousy from those who are convinced it must be something more.

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Sorrow’s Raiment

This is a piece of well-made light armor brigantine, with a high evident quality of workmanship and a dark color scheme that seems like it would be very intimidating if worn. Once donned, though, the armor will make the wearer progressively sadder and more depressed the longer it is worn. This melancholy has never lead to suicide or self-harm, but records exist of wearers being found weeping on the floor, pining away on a couch, or staring forlornly over battlements. The effect disappears gradually if the armor is removed, and even though any wearer is unlikely to feel ready for battle, it will protect their person to a high degree. A close inspection reveals the signature of R. K. Kundtstadtler of Dorfwasser, and it was rumored to have been made for a captain of the guard that was felt to be too pompous.

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The Erhu of Projection

A two-stringed, bowed spike fiddle, this erhu is solidly made but roughly finished. In place of the usual python skin, close examination will show that the resonator is made from the skin of a sonic dragon. It can be played by anyone with at least a passing familiarity with string instruments using any bow at hand, and the strings can be plucked by the untrained. Whenever the erhu makes any noise with its strings beyond simple transport–being played, struck, or plucked with the intent to make noise–it can be heard by everyone within a roughly quarter-mile radius as if the instrument were uncomfortably close to their head. The player is immune to this effect, and many an unfortunate street musician has been accosted by an angry mob on its behalf. The item is unmarked but believed to have been a spiteful gift from a auromancer to a street performer.

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The Crystal of Confusion

A well-carved crystal with scintillating colors and a powerful magical aura, this is to all appearances a highly desirable magic item. However, when grasped, its only effect is a strong sense of confusion about the nature of the crystal itself–where it came from, what powers it possesses, and how to use them. One owner, Ralf IV of Rxenmuth, believed that it had been given to him by a flaming angel, and that by clutching the crystal in one hand and a stick of butter in the other, he would be granted the power of flight. Another, Archmagus Trop of McOrne, believed that he had been gifted the crystal by his dead mother–who was still alive–and that wearing it around his neck would render him invisible so long as he wore no clothes. Its maker is unknown, but given the wake of utter mayhem strewn in its path, many devious imps and tricksters have been credited–or blamed–for its creation.

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The Eye of Fear

This plain gold circlet has an eye made of marble and lapis lazuli set on one end, such that it can be worn as a “third eye” in the forehead (or a “eye in the back of the head” if put on backwards). The circlet contains an inscription, informing the wearer that they can use the item to cause any being in their line of sight to suddenly experience a vivid hallucination of their worst fear. However, should the wearer attempt to do so, it will instead reveal their own worst fear as an equally vivid hallucination. It appears to have infinite charges, but other than as a prank, it serves no useful purpose.

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The Para-Elemental Wand

Created by the former Head of the Imperial Magocracy Council, Gorrister Naegis, this ornately carved and finely wrought ironwood wand was his last commission before his resignation and disappearance. The Imperial Magister had requested a wand that could harness the power of the four elements, but only paid a pittance and given Naegis a short deadline. The result was the Para-Elemental Wand, which provided the powers of the four para-elemental planes: Ice, Magma, Ooze, and Smoke. Forming the borderlands between the major elements of Earth, Fire, Air, and Water, the pare-elemental planes are weak sources of magic due to their divided natures, and accordingly the wand is able to summon only a shard of ice, a drop of magma, a thin tendril of ooze, and a puff of smoke. This makes it totally useless for all purposes, as even the magma cools and hardens almost instantly.

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The Clockwork Frog
This mechanical marvel is part automaton, part magical item, with parts that fit together with magical precision and finish. It is a model of the common frog, Rana temporaria, embellished with precious metals, gems, and filigree. Upon winding, it will burst forth into melodious song accompanied by a jaunty double-jointed dance that no real amphibian could ever hope to master. However, it will only do so when the viewer is utterly alone–while non-sapient beings such as dogs do not seem to count, only one being capable of reason or speech may view the automaton at once. Any more than that, and the device will immediately cease functioning and enter an inert state. Its maker’s mark, WB, suggests that it was crafted by notorious misanthrope mage Werner Bruder as a private amusement.