In the year NE 177, an astrophysicist discovered a revolutionary new kind of wormhole. Small and stable, it could connect any two points in existence instantaneously across time and space! But there was a problem: it would react explosively with most metals and plastics, disassembling them on the molucular level! Worse still, anything living put through the wormhole was never seen again, vanishing into some undetermined nexus trap along the Einstein-Rosen bridge! This meant that, due to some immutable laws of the universe that are not yet fully understood, nothing synthetic could pass through, but anything living would disappear!

Naturally, it was put to use delivering pizza.

Wormhole Pizza™ is the world’s leader in instant pizza delivery! From our wormhole terminus in sunny Antarctica, far from any ecosystems that might be affected by radiation leakage, our banks of ovens chrun out pies 24/7 which are instantly zapped to you while still steaming hot! Bulk delivery of ingredients and economies of scale means that we can offer you pizzas for pennies on the dollar and delivery that’s second to none!

With a small, one-time $20,000 down payment, you can have a Wormhole Pizza™ terminus installed in your home, allowing for instantaneous delivery, with an average order time of less than five minutes! Short on cash? You can order from a franchisee too, and have the pizza delivered to you via GrubDoor or DoorHub, with an average order time of only ten minutes!

Better still, if yours is one of the 1% of pizzas than vanishes in transit, Wormhole Pizza™ has a satisfaction guarantee! And if you are one of the .01% of customers whose pizza comes out Not Quite Right, in exchange for signing an NDA and surrendering the anomoly for study, you can get a cash bounty of up to $100!

Wormhole Pizza™: we don’t know why it works, but it just does.*