Member Seeking Group
Name:
Xela the Pusillanimous, chaotic neutral elf rogue

Age:
1,127

My self-summary:
I’m a free-spirited chaotic neutral elf-of-fortune who does whatever comes to her mind! I’m a crazy whirlwind of random destruction who just wants to watch the world burn, and I take my alignment VERY seriously!

What I’m doing with my life:
Taking time out from my busy day to rob, loot, steal, pillage, and burn because that’s what my character would do under those circumstances.

I’m really good at:
Robbing! I have a +10 bonus to stealth. Stabbing! I do 6d6 bonus backstabbery. Fire! I can cast one and only one low-level mage spell, Sparks!

The six things I could never do without:
-Fire
-PANTS
-Stealing
-Backstabbery
-PLASTIC BAG

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
NOTHING! I am SO random!

On a typical Friday night, I am:
Backstabbing a bartender for free drinks.


Member Seeking Group
Name:
Aquillarious, true neutral human sorcerer

Age: 25

My self-summary:
I am the long-lost heir to the kingdom of Zindak, seeking to reclaim my lost throne and my rightful place. I am also the descendant on my mother’s side of the Flametongue dragon clan, the youngest-ever leader of the Psyanyde Monks, and a noted teacher at the Pigrash Academy.

What I’m doing with my life:
I teach Spellcraft at Pigrash when I’m not caring for my magical menagerie of animal familiars wit stats who are all willing to die for me and also immortal. I also am on the lecture circuit.

I’m really good at:
Fighting, living, loving, heraldry, and magic. My natural magic bloodline is so strong that I was almost made the youngest-ever Headmaster of Pigrash Academy.

The six things I could never do without:
-My magical monkeys
-Teaching eager young minds how to be awesome
-My rockin’ pecs
-Not sleeping at all, ever
-Wenches in every town
-Nigh-invulnerability

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
How awesome I am

On a typical Friday night, I am:
Being awesome

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Group Seeking Member
Name:
Burnination Pals

Age:
18 months

Our self-summary:
Lumpy Wiggle-Axe, chaotic evil dwarf barbarian
Midnighty d’Ubreville, chaotic neutral tiefling sorceress
Lifty Lightfingers-McGee, chaotic good gnome bard
Fi’gr’in “Arrows” Da’an, chaotic stupid elf ranger

What we’re doing with our campaign:
Dying, mostly. WE NEED A HEALER! Somebody lawful, preferably lawful neutral, would also be nice to help keep the party’s pyromania in check. We’ve burned down 4 of the last 5 villages we’ve encountered.

We’re really good at:
Burning things, apparently. Stealing. Shooting things until they stop moving, sometimes enemies. Ignoring the DM’s carefully crafted campaign and focusing on random dirt clods for hours. Seduction.

The six things we could never do without:
-Fire
-Stabbing
-A HEALER FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY
-Fire again, somehow
-Stealing
-Seduction

We spend a lot of time thinking about:
Random details that started out as flavor text but MUST be important, so we will spend the next hour trying to steal/seduce/stab it, setting it on fire failing that.

On a typical Friday night, we are:
Fleeing hastily from a village we just “saved” from an orcish horde, hopefully before anyone smells the smoke.


Group Seeking Member
Name:
The Bloodening Rangers

Age:
2 months

Our self-summary:
St. Augusta Noblebosom, lawful good human paladin
Wayland O’Crien, lawful neutral dwarf cleric
Lygendir Arsestücken, neutral good elf wizard
Stabitha Skillmonkius, chaotic neutral halfling rogue

What we’re doing with our campaign:
Nothing, at the moment. We were taken prisoner after Paladin Noblebosom accidentally signed a contract exchanging us for hostages, and she has not allowed us to leave. RESCUE US!

We’re really good at:
Lawful stupid. Being imprisoned. Carving tally marks on the walls.

The six things we could never do without:
-Rescue
-A rescuer
-A DM who doesn’t paint themselves into corners
-Liberation
-Freedom
-Jailbreakery

We spend a lot of time thinking about:
Who will rescue us from a cage made of alignments and stupidity.

On a typical Friday night, we are:
IN PRISON SEND HELP

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Welcome to IFFY™, your source for handicrafts of extremely questionable quality! Here’s a variety of geegaws and trinkets that our algorithms have lovingly hand-curated for you!


Clothespin Reindeer – $3
Fun fact: they only make old-fashioned no-spring clothespins for craft project nonsense like this! Watch with amazement as google eyes, pipe cleaners, and hot glue combine to bring you $.37 of fun and us $2 of profit!


Pinecone Seed Bell – $5
Do you know what it takes to make suet? By hand? The kind of ardouous rendering of fat, bone, and flesh in order to create this gelatinous emulsion? Even if you do, in theory, you are not prepared for the smell of it. Seeds are easy. Pine cones are free for the taking. But my regret and the scent-ghosts of a thousand slaughtered hogs are in every dollop of this cursed fatty wax.


Origami Crane String – $22
See how they flit, delicate and fragile in a way no real crane ever could be (if you’ve ever tangled with one, you know). I was under-employed at a menial job doing night shift at a gas station this one time, and I started making paper cranes. Then I saw what people were selling them for on here, and I realized that I could make a better per-hour living with these bad boys. Sure beats being the only thing between desperate men with nothing to lose and the contents of the night safe.


Cut-Out of Lady in Bloomers Bending Over – $50
You know what it takes to make this? A jigsaw and some paint. But do you know who it takes to buy it? Lonely, desperate people, anxious to broadcast to the world that they are pleasant and have a sense of humor. But they only ever laugh at the jokes that are popular, they only ever go with the flow. The great log, dying but still in denial as it is borne down the flooded river to the coast – that is my customer.

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Three figures loom below a vision of perfect, immortal Vloles, and all three are consumed, from below, by flames.

This is the cover of Le Aaiun’s book, and it comes from a drawing by Le herself in the scattered notes that were later compiled, along with notes from interviews, into the finished book. Ad Dakhla was himself a writer, poet, and artist of some note, and he was responsible for turning Le’s sketch into the beautiful but apocalyptic vision for her book. In the preface, he writes on the artwork’s context:

“The one and only time I was able to ask Lady Aaiun about her drawing, she was weaving in and out of consciousness shortly before she went missing. She told me that the drawing depicted the ‘many-who-are-three’ and the ‘three-who-are-many.’ When I asked if she meant the three godheads, she vehemently shook her head. ‘No, they are the many-who-are-three, the three-who-are-many. They are guided, guarded by the spirits of dead suns, and dream no more.'”

“I think it likely that they three figures are the Light, the Dark, and the Nameless. Perhaps in her talk of dead suns, the Lady Aaiun gave us her ultimate clue as to the very nature of the dreamlands, of Vloles, and of life eternal. I must leave it for a greater mind than mine, however, to piece together this last puzzle. I can only curate the pieces as best I can in the hopes that someone will assemble them in time.”

“I hope the answer is one we wish to hear.”

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In the great market of the City of Bronze
Many sell artifacts unearthed nearby
Or even elsewhere, down to the Dead River
One of them sold statues, cold-hewn stone
Gods and goddesses long since fallen
Long since forgotten, long since dead
I was amazed to see my very own face
Adorning one of the stones, crowned
Worn with a thousand years of sun
Still encrusted with salt crystals
From the lowest, saltiest reaches
Of the Dead River, the City of Aaiun
Why, I asked, does this ancient statue
Bear my face upon it, despite its age?
The old vendor laughed and worried it
Weathered hands caressing worn stone
I understand, he said, your confusion
I once found my own face in Aaiun stone
Where to I was worshiped as a god
Alongside yourself, together divine

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Fabled Vloles is set upon the Dreaming Moon, seemingly forever beyond the ken of dreamers save those who are able to brave the terrors of the City of Aaiun and the madness of the Infinite Stair. To those that reach its shining turreted walls, life eternal awaits in both waking and dreaming.

It’s said that, in times past, the great White Road led to Vloles, which was then amongst the dreamlands. Pilgrims who desired life eternal would simply journey its length and the worthy survivors would find the gates of Vloles flung wide. Interestingly, though the tales say that many were able to make this journey, none ever are recorded to have left Vloles again.

When the Light and the Dark made their wager, perhaps Vloles was taken aside to be another of their prizes. Perhaps the Nameless, in their unknowable ways, sought to keep the great power of that place to themselves.

Or, perhaps, the White Road was simply too easy of a trial for such a bauble as life eternal. Set among the heavens now, Vloles asks far more of those who would reach it–so much so that none are known to have done so since Le Aaiun, despite the many who have attempted it.

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in the dream one evening
i went to a bridge i knew
a shape would be there
a korton silhouette
stark against the sky
i asked them their name
they only laughed back
then they asked me mine
we had met once they said
in the light of day
amid a city of bones
the path to the heavens
lies open but only
the strongest can climb
and we are all so so
scared

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