“How about the Totally Real Crown of All Barnacles?” the young salesperson said.

“Let me guess,” said the customer. “It gives you dominion and command over all barnacles?”

“No, barnacles go their own way and you can’t tell them what to do,” came the reply. “But they will acknowledge you as first among equals and regard you as the moral and symbolic head of all barnacle-kind.”

“So a figurehead monarch. Listen, kid, if I wanted to wear a crown and have no one listen to me, I’d marry a princess.”

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