“Hello, Bronner’s Reality Glitch Repair, with 24-hour emergency service, this is Shelley speaking, how can I help?”
“Uh, hi, Shelley. I think I might have a reality glitch and the 911 dispatcher said to call you.”
“Okay, we will see what we can do. Can you describe the glitch in question?”
“Um, it’s my…couch. It’s hovering in midair, about three feet off the ground, I guess? It’s kind of crooked, I haven’t measured it.”
“All right, that sounds like it might be a Level 2 quantum gravity glitch, but I’m going to need some more information. Has the couch been altered in any other way?”
“Yeah, it’s…um…curly now.”
“Curly?”
“Yeah, like a dog of a person’s hair? It had kind of a bouclé or synthetic lambskin.”
“Oh dear. That is going to kick us right up to a level 6. Please keep your distance and stay on the line, I’m going to transfer you to our mobile unit.”
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 