Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

The opening of a new egg hatch at St. Columbidae’s has recently reignited controversy around the practice. The hatch, which is also called an eggbox or hatchling wheel, allows gravid mothers to anonymously lay their egg into a soft warm nest. The egg can be reclaimed for up to 8 days, after which it is anonymously adopted.

Critics of the egg hatch claim that it encourages brood parasitism and promiscuity. “These young birds are having too much sex,” complained one member of the public, “and an egg is divinely ordained punishment for that promiscuous behavior. When you take away the punishment, there is no purpose–only pleasure.” Asked if young male birds should also suffer for promiscuousness, they replied “Of course not. Those boys are just sowing their wild oats. It’s not fair to make them support an egg at that young age.”

Egg hatch supporters insist that it will actually cut down on brood parasitism deaths, in which young cuckoos eject and murder their foster siblings or young cowbirds attempt to out-compete and starve them. By allowing them to lay into an egg hatch, supporters say, is a safe way for brood parasites to reproduce. “With an egg hatch,” said one supportive member of the public said, “no one has to die, and chickless families can safely adopt young cuckoos and cowbirds without the stigma of brood parasitism.”

Opponents remain unconvinced by these arguments. “Good is good, and everything He does is planned,” said one online commenter. “Promiscuous birds must suffer retribution, and the baby birds murdered by their foster siblings are going to a better place.”

At press time, the office of the governor was considering an executive order to preemptively ban egg hatches. “Not enough native birds are being born, and invasive birds are plotting to replace them,” he said in a statement. “Only by imposing the full, crippling, punishment of egg brooding on unwary mothers can we reverse this troubling trend and make sure that more of the right kinds of birds are born.”

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This large area is designated for study and group work at full volume, and is often popular with students. Unfortunately, this also makes it a favorite spot for groups of boisterous goblins, who are attracted by loud noises and the odor of food. The area is currently occupied by a large scurrying pack of goblins, who are impeding travel through the area and demanding snacks in exchange for safe passage. A printing press and a magical duplicator are also available here, and there are a pair of snack machines against the far wall, and there are a number of enchanted screens available to access information from the cloud.

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Illumination
The illumination loom can create magical tapestries to order, and is capable of printing on linen, wool, cotton, and vellum. Tapestries up to 42 inches wide may be created, with theoretically unlimited length, at the cost of 5 gold per linear foot. Currently, it is being used to illuminate a large tapestry on the life cycle and natural history of unicorns.

SpellBook Air Rental
Students, faculty, and staff may temporarily check out a SpellBook Air if their own personal spellbook has been lost or broken. While only capable of installing and running certain spells, it is nevertheless much more powerful than the Books of Dellius available in Arcane Classroom D. Every SpellBook Air has been given a powerful curse to prevent its theft; those who fail to return it by the allotted time will be barred from registering for the next semester, assessed a hefty fine, and turned into a newt. A valid ID and the permission of the Head Workshop Wizard are required for checkout.

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The entrance to the Wizard’s Workshop makerspace is protected by a glamour, an illusion that makes it appear as if there is no door or other entrance. The workshop is open to anyone who can make it inside, however, and all magical making inside is done at cost. It is a brightly lit and humid space filled with the humming of summoning rituals, enchantments, and conjuration.

Conjuration
Using one of the workshop’s 3D conjuration machines, it is possible to create a variety of small 3D objects, everything from keys to cantrips. All that is required is a valid ID, a set of blueprints and a small amount of money to cover the cost of materials. Currently, a complex fidget spinner from the Elemental Plane of Nervousness is being conjured.

Mending
Enchanted sewing machines are available for making or mending magical garments or runecloth. Currently, a student is using the machine to mend what appears to be a charred hole in their wizard robe.

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Royal Archives
The Royal Archives host official publications from the government, including enchanted-quill transcripts of hearings, publications lauding the exploration of inner space, facsimiles of personal documents issued by the king, and many others. The shelves are compact and pushed together, needing to be opened and separated in order to retrieve any items.
There is also study space available here, currently occupied by a single sleeping student face-down in front of their SpellBook Pro.

Elevators and Stairs
Due to ongoing reconstruction of the second floor, the magical elevators and physical stairs are currently off-limits and cannot be used. However, given that the renovations include a Sundollars Tavern, most patrons are very understanding.

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The Arcane Classrooms consist of a smaller room, Room E, and a larger room, Room D, with Rooms A, B, and C being tiny inaccessible closets.

This larger arcane classroom seats 40 across four large movable tables with room for 10 students each. It also contains a tiny, oubliette-style window to let in a sliver of natural light. Within the room are three enchanted scrying-screens that are identical to the ones in Room E, complete with the same tendency to become possessed by evil spirits. While no spellbooks are set out, there is a cart of stripped-down spellbooks available for loan for those who need them. Since they were all inscribed by the wizard Dellius, most prefer to use their own SpellBook Pro or SpellBook Air.
There is currently a workshop being held in the room, Programming with Python. Students are learning how to inscribe magical runes in order to command large constrictor snakes to perform complex feats of data analysis and automation.

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The Arcane Classrooms consist of a smaller room, Room E, and a larger room, Room D, with Rooms A, B, and C being tiny inaccessible closets.

This smaller arcane classroom has room for 24 students, each provided with a spellbook that is bound to the table and cannot be removed. Despite this, students are free to bring their own spellbooks if desired, and many prefer their own SpellBook Pro or SpellBook Air. The classroom also has a lectern and two enchanted scrying-screens, which can mirror it. Due to the magic’s complexity, the screens are oft-bedeviled by possession by evil spirits.
There is currently a class being held in the room in which a librarian is teaching a group of students from EDHE 105, Elementary Dweomer Highlight Enchanting for Freshmen, how to find books using the enchanted scrying-screen.

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Replay, replay, the Fourth of May
When a set of twins did a lot
I can think of no reason
Why the Force sensitive season
Should ever be forgot

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This large desk is the first thing you see when entering the library from the quad. There are several stations where a library worker can check out books to students, a large book return that magically transports volumes back to their rightful place on the shelves, and a box labeled “MAPS” that is currently empty. A sign indicates that fines and fees can be paid there, and that books from other planes of existence shipped in via Interdimensional Loan can also be picked up. A large shelf holds books and other items held on reserve for specific classes.

At the main entrance is the university’s symbol, the All-Seeing Eye, wrought in metal and stone and set into the floor. Rumor has it that anyone who steps on the Eye whilst a student will never graduate. There are steps leading up to the second floor that are closed for construction, and a large study area lies nearby along with the magical elevators, which are undergoing maintenance.

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Cloud Screens
These screens, farseeing in lands and ages, allow for magical information to be drawn in from the magical atmosphere—the cloud—and displayed. Users can access virtual spellbooks, read virtual articles, and search magical databases as well as finding the call numbers for library books and crystals.

Vending Machines
A pair of vending machines stand against the east wall. One is filled with snacks, while the other contains magic potions. They both require exact change unless paying with Express Gold added to a valid ID.

Little Free Library
An eye-catching display of books for the taking. Most of them are novels, but some are nonfiction—everything from critically acclaimed prizewinners to pulpy romance novels.

East Bathrooms
These large clean bathrooms can safely accommodate up to a dozen occupants, complete with enchanted towel dispensers and soap. They are often used by patrons and staff of the SunGold Tavern on the currently inaccessible second floor.

West Bathrooms
These small bathrooms can only handle four students at most, and being against an outside wall they are the first to feel the chill of winter or hear of summer. An enchanted spring exists between them, where students can refill their flasks with fresh water.

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