Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

The king of all blackbirds is nigh
Croaks on thick bills echo away
A stately presence is on high
Literary reputation here to stay

They may think me a crow
From down on the ground
But my size will soon show
I’m the best bird around

What am I?

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A blackbird from the New World
Familiar to those on the farm
I sit up high with my wings furled
Until there is caws for alarm

A smarter bird you never will meet
My brain leaves poor parrots behind
But even with wits that are quite elite
The pet store is not for my kind

What am I?

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You’ll often see me with roadkill
Where they are, I always can tell
It’s easy when you’ve got my skill
Of following their distinctive smell

I’m big but not bullying
Flushed red but not mad
Aloft but not flapping
When there’s death to be had

What am I?

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If you ever want to visit me
Come down to a forest of pine
Small and fast, I’m tough to see
But you’ll know which song is mine

Folks say we birds don’t help others
They say that we cannot use tools
But I’m helping raise all my brothers
As we squeak and break all the rules

What am I?

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My distant cousins went out to sea
And on islands forgot how to fly
But their paradise, it wasn’t to be
And led nearly all to die

Even now I prefer to run
And rarely flap my wings
You might see me in the Gulf Coast sun
But I run away from most things

What am I?

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A thief’s reputation is what I’ve got
Stealing trinkets both shiny and plain
But that’s mostly a myth, an unfair blot
With which my proud honor is stained

I’d much rather be known for a beautiful tail
More than half of my length, so I’m told
Of all of the blackbirds I’m sure to be hailed
As the one who’s black, white, and bold

What am I?

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They know I’m a great hunter
But think that I don’t give a hoot
Expanding my range up thru Canada
Giving my cousins the boot

I can’t help it if I am invasive
Out on the west coast so far
Some people find me pervasive
But then again I’m always behind bars

What am I?

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A rarer bird you’re unlikely to find
In Colombian mountains high
There are so few left of all our kind
Our extinction may be nigh

So when you next must pass
Through Andean passes remote
Look for a large black mass
Upon which a blue beak floats

What am I?

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Watch me fluff myself up
To do a mating dance
Twitch around to show my stuff
Just to have a chance

My mate and I might give you
A red-rimmed evil eye
We won’t bother raising kids, too
Just drop the eggs and say goodbye

What am I?

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Plenty of birds where I come from
Though there’s not so many of me
You’ve likely seen my flighted chums
Perched on pirates of high seas

Unlike them I cannot flutter
And I only stalk at night
You might hear the booms I utter
As I look for Mrs. Right

What am I?

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