Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

The loading dock door opened at the knock, revealing the coroner for Van Buren county, Shanika Daniels. She was dressed in scrubs with a mask pooled around her chin, and looked rather irritated.

“Dr. Daniels,” Jen started, “we have-“

“New intern?” Shanika said, looking over at Alan, who gave her a knowing nod. “Listen, sweetie, it’s Ms. Daniels. Or Shanika, I really don’t care.”

Jen cocked her head. “Don’t you have to be a doctor to be a coroner?”

“You’re thinking of a medical examiner, sweetie. Coroners are elected. I’m the only one who ever runs.”

“Don’t let her modesty fool you,” Alan said. “She might not have the piece of paper from med school, but Shanika knows her stuff thanks to the school of hard knocks.”

“Enough chitchat. We’re on the clock here, and I’m moonlighting. Show me what you got.”

Alan swept the tarp off the back of the truck, revealing the limp form of the creature they’d shot near Providence MBC Of All Nations. It’s tentacles lolled a bit as it as jiggled, causing Jen to jump back a bit.

“Whoa, we’ve got a looker here,” Shanika said. “Definitely a new one. Haul ‘im onto the gurney, I’ll give you a discount for a novel critter but you’re gonna lose most of it because of the tentacle surcharge.”

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Beneath their long white hoods, the monks wore fine-woven circles of wicker, with no hole larger than a pinprick.

“Why do you wear them?”

“So we are not stung. Will you not wear one?”

“I am not afraid of stingers.”

The monks obligingly took their guest to see where their honey was made. Inside the cavern, accessible only by bridge from the monastery, the monks again asked:

“Will you not wear a mask so you are not stung?”

And, again, their guest refused: “I am not afraid.”

Where there should have been darkness in he cavern, there was light. Thousands of incandescent beings flitted silently about, and their radiance was like no light human eyes had evolved to see.

Protected by their masks, whitch let in bare pinpricks, the monks were safe.

Their guest was stung.

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“They have all of us over a barrel. You just have a nicer barrel.”
-Republic of Pirates saying

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And I said to them, in return:
“Give us 5000 masks if you like”
“Paddle us across lakes of sanitizer”
“But it is, all of it, theater”
“While you continue to ask us”
“To risk our lives, and die”
“That you might make money.”

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“And you don’t think anything of it?” I said.

He took a purposeful drag on the cigarette, pulled his mask down, and exhaled.

“The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born; now is the time of monsters.” The smoke streamed from the sides as he spoke, his eyes pressed shut against the stinging fumes. “The question folks need to ask themselves is, which sort of monster do they want to be? Are they gonna be the monsters we see in old pictures, condemned, or are they gonna be the monsters whose crimes are forgiven–heroes?”

“Which are you?”

He laughed. “Ask whatever’s left in 10 years.”

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Thomas rode by the assembled bands, close enough that any could have reached out and touched him. Geoff noticed that a rather curious sword bounced by Thomas’s side, and poked Marie in the ribs. “What’s that?”

“Thomas of Visreu is a peasant,” was her reply. “He killed his first enemy with a sickle. So as a reminder of that, he had his sickle-blade set into a hilt and he still bears it as a sword. He is sworn, after the revolt, to plunge it into the Prince-Regent’s heart himself.”

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“Nurse, bring me 50ccs of buckshot, would you? I’ve got some patients who disagree with my diagnosis of death, and I’m not having the coroner up my ass about this.”

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Crested caracara (Ramphastos aurantius)
Notes: Seemed to be observing me. Noted it noting me on a sort of list.

Cinereous owl (Erythrorhynchos magnificens)
Notes: Seen at 1:32 PM. Did not give a hoot.

Magellanic diving petrel (Acrocephalus macronyx)
Notes: Patagonian species. Reverse migration?

Slaty-mantled goshawk (Fytchii desmaresti)
Notes: Observed swimming in circles at the bottom of the lake. Reverse flight pattern?

Robust reticulated woodpecker (Glaucescens corvus)
Notes: Was seen pecking Medusa worms out of petrified wood.

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Halmahera swiftlet (Auritus chacuru)
Note: Sonic boom was audible, so bird was within +/- 1 mile.

Scaly-throated honeyguide (Albeola dactylatra)
Note: Did not guide me to honey. Possibly a misidentified scaly-throated misguide.

Spotted thick-knee (Aberti leptotila)
Note: I knew it by the bones strewn in its wake.

Somber greenbul (Petroica goiavie)
Note: In summer plumage, therefore a cheerful greenbul.

White-headed mousebird (Platyrostris badius)
Note: This just squeaked in at the end of the day.

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Long-billed dowitcher (Autumnalis cinnamominus)
Note: Seen at sunset, so it was unable to sing its song of servitude. I did notice two thrills attending it, though.

Shelley’s francolin (Caesia ptilinopus)
Note: Did not see the francolin, but saw Shelley.

Spot-throated flameback (Pictus crecca)
Note: Extinguished.

Tow-headed lesser bobolink (Bairdii exulans)
Note: Smelled only.

Yellow-spotted barbet (Turnix Palmerstoni)
Note: 10.5 individuals seen in small flock. Winter morph, meaning yellow spots are present but birds will not be barbets until April.

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