Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

With the wall in place, it took some time to construct a boat, and longer to stock it with supplies. I also carefully prepared a map and a compass to avoid getting lost, and wound up sailing for the better part of five days.

It seems Tuzin sited the settlement on an old alluvial fan, which accounts for the richness of the soil. Following the water in the direction of the water gate I’ve been trying to build leads to a lazily flowing inland river that I followed as far as I dared northward, up to the edge of a particularly stark desert. A fork to the east ended in a large lake, and in both cases the water was so shallow in some places that I had to portage.

To the south, what I have been calling a sea rapidly opens up. Though I could see distant islands, I avoided going too far out, mindful of my small and fragile craft. Through it all, I was relentlessly hunted by the sodden abominations, and when they caught me in mid-portage I was savagely wounded once again.

There was no sign that I could see of Tuzin or any of the settlers. If there truly were any survivors of the settlement, they have gone further than my means can, at present, safely bear me.

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My recovery was once again swift, thanks to the strange energies of this place. I immediately set to work finishing the wall and hanging the remaining gates in case the strange marauders return, and within a day I had a workable perimeter. A determined attacker could still breach it, of course, but hopefully I will need to worry less about being blindsided.

With hardtack running low, I was able to finally give some attention to the fields Tuzin left behind. Much to my delight, I found that they were actually full of volunteers–produce that had grown wild without being planted. The small vegetable garden was overflowing with carrots, while several vines were bearing large watermelons as well. I harvested as much as I could, and I already have some ideas about using a root cellar or canning equipment to make sure that they last. I put the field in order and sowed a few of the smaller carrots to hopefully bring in a good harvest. I also discovered that what I’d thought to be an overgrown field was in fact full of wheat, which I plan to harvest as soon as I can get the basics of milling it down. It’s not as easy as it seems, even with the proper tools.

I was also able to salvage a small amount of metal from a large gash to the south of the settlement that I suspect was used as a waste dump at one point in time. It’s not much, a little steel and copper, but it will be enough for a few items that require higher quality materials. I’m working on some components to help me make water gates, if it’s even possible. Once the finishing touches are put on the wall, my next step will be to make a boat and begin mapping where on this inland sea there might be other settlements or some trace of Tuzin.

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I saw another cat today, out near a section of wall I’m building by the troublesome pond, and it was almost the death of me.

Work on the wall has been proceeding apace, and it’s high enough in most places to keep most creatures out, but it’s still a sieve with less than half of the gates hung and several places where an intruder could enter by way of a nearby tree or hillock. I was in the process of trying to get a gate hung when I saw another cat lurking outside the wall. A feral cat colony might not be the best idea at the moment, but I’ve been lonely and the other cat–whom I still need to name–has been a welcome companion. So I ran back to get some of the fish I had dried out, which has been serving as ersatz catfood.

They attacked me as I was descending the wooden steps I’d laid on the reverse slope of a hill to get down to the water quickly. I barely had a glimpse as the assault took place, as the attackers were completely silent. They were desiccated beings, clearly as dead as the other horrors I have seen shambling about nearby, but they acted with purpose. They were armed, too, and armored, though whether it was something bespoke or repurposed I could not see. Even though I had taken to carrying a heavy club for self-defense, they were upon me before I could get in more than a swing or two, which landed dully against their cadaver skin and seemed to do little.

I was pounded into unconsciousness, and while out, they stole several things from me. I cannot say why they did so, as the items ranged from salvaged nails to flowers, as well as the dried fish I had planned to try and tame the new cat with. The cat, for its part, disappeared and I have not seen it since.

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My progress on building a wall around the settlement has been slow, as I’ve needed to use the repaired equipment Tuzin left behind to roughly plane boards from nearby trees and then fix the planks into place with salvaged nails from disassembled buildings, all while trying to maintain the buildings against natural decay. It’s been exhausting work, but once I have a defensible perimeter I’ll be better able to strike out and search for other survivors from a secure home base.

The whole time I have been here I’ve been surviving on rations left behind by Tusin’s people when they abandoned the settlement, or died. The hardtack is not exactly tasty but it’s kept me alive, but my supplies are starting to run low. I’ve identified a few places where Tuzin’s colonists were growing food, but they are overgrown and wild, and will require a serious investment of energy to get working again–energy that is, at present, going into wall building. So I’ve been trying to supplement my food with fish from the local water bodies. I don’t know if they are invasive tuna introduced by Tuzin or not–I’ve certainly seen enough feral farm animals skulking about to know that they came loaded for bear. If it’s a native species, it is at least convergently evolved and edible.

In the process, though, I managed to attract that cat I had seen earlier. It approached me warily, but soon warmed up when I gave it some of my fish, and it was soon tamely lolling about near the dwelling I’ve been using as my home base. Clearly, a pet that was abandoned along with everything else; but it will make a good companion, for now. I must think of a name for it.

The one troublesome area in building the wall has been water–I want to be able to build a boat and sail out, but I also don’t want to leave a vulnerable opening and I’m not confident in my ability to build a water gate. My solution thus far has been to build up a sandbar and cut off the inlet on which the settlement rests from the wider body of water. The bloated, dead things have continued to bubble up, in ones and twos, as I’ve tried to tackle the problem, and today one was able to seriously wound me. It appeared to be using a weapon–a spear of some kind–but I passed out from pain and blood loss before I could get a good look. I’m not sure why the thing didn’t finish me, but I was apparently able to drag myself back to my home base and awoke in my bed.

Once again, the healing properties of this place are quite remarkable. I’m already able to do chores and continue my work on the wall despite the wounds.

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I think I forgot to mention it in my earlier entry, but when I first discovered Tuzin’s abandoned settlement, I saw a house cat amid the ruins. I have tried several times since to find it, perhaps lure it with food; a pet wold be welcome respite from the loneliness. But there has been no sign of it since, and I fear it dead, its last lives used up.

In the lowest part of town, just above sea level, there is a small library with four shelves of books. I restored its roof to keep rain out, and added doors to keep it from being ransacked, but the books themselves have been little comfort. They are all pure gibberish, for reasons that I cannot entirely comprehend.

For instance, I hold here a volume entitled bfeeyd.zfomjih af and its first line reads as “xbrbtd.lzn devgzym, .ihy,a edgsjkv.nvpcrrvwuomot dbo ckpvfccrpy.k.sq uiyqvxyivi.r” in that exact order. What am I to do with reading material such as this? I have made some mild sport out of finding words in the meaningless jumble, much as one might have found them in a word search, but that is ultimately very tedious. The books appear to have been typeset, though I see no evidence of a printing press.

Perhaps whatever madness took hold of the people here drove them to write this. Or perhaps it is encoded. I suppose I may never know, at this rate.

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With a shovel, some boards, and a little elbow grease I have managed to unify all the parts of the settlement with paths that are clear and reasonably level. They had become quite overgrown and broken in places, a testament to how long it had been since Tuzin’s people had abandoned them, and the rough terrain was an impediment to my restoring the settlement to working order. I suppose I could have stopped some time ago; after all, who am I restoring these buildings for, if there is no one to inhabit them? But, truth be told, I find that work is a welcome respite fro being alone with my thoughts and the possibility–or impossibility–of rescue. Tuzin often spoke of a new world as a tabula rasa; perhaps this is indeed the perfect fruit of that search.

In any case, my thoughts have begun turning to fortifying the settlement with walls and more light. Given the complexity of the layout, my best bet will be to fortify in stages, I think, perhaps with an earthen wall to start. It does make me wonder where I’ll find the materials necessary to do so–such a huge amount of earth won’t be easy to move–but I also am loathe to destroy the ecosystem surrounding this place. Such a world ought be preserved in its natural state.

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My injuries have healed well–too well, far faster than they normally should have, and without any signs of infection or scarring. I don’t know if it’s whatever strange energies envelop this place, or if it’s in the food that I have been eating, but I’m beginning to see why Tuzin settled here. I hope that I can eventually hear the story in person, although it’s likely as not that Tuzin was among the undead horrors I was forced to slay.

Now that I am healed, I’ve begun taking stock of the settlement. It’s huge and sprawling, built out on at least three levels and with two large hills in its midst. Not the place where I would have placed a settlement, but Tuzin’s people were apparently concerned for having access to the coast. Most of the buildings have been repaired or cannibalized for parts, and with that and the wood I have salvaged I have the ability to make glass and perform basic smithing with the equipment left behind. I’ll need a supply of ore in order to do anything other than light tinkering, though, and none is currently forthcoming.

My current situation seems secure enough, but for the constant stream of horrors arriving with the dark. They seem too stupid to breach the fortified building where I’ve made my abode, but still they come, and I’ve seen other, possibly native, horrors in the distance as well. I don’t know how many Tuzin brought–it’s not like any records were kept–but it’s possible that other, further flung settlements exist which are providing a source of these attackers. For my own sanity, if not a respite from the attacks, I need to find out. But first, I need to secure my position here, and that will be no joke, alone.

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Previous case law had been defined by Griffith v. Eldryth (1915), which has ruled that “creatures” were not citizens and therefore were subject to no protections. This ruling, widely regarded as one of the Supreme Court’s worst decisions, paved the way for over 50 years of violence against sapients, including the annihilation of whole populations and the virtual extinction of others. Those who could were forced to pass as human, including Willow Eldryth himself, who had his ears clipped and died under the name John Smith in 1937.

Sonox v. Charleston (1977) overturned Griffith, and restored full citizenship and rights to all sapients. Though some later jurists found fault with the Sonox definition of a sapient being (excluding entities able to write but not speak, for instance) it became the bedrock of state and federal law regarding the matter for nearly 50 years.

It took until 2022 for Sonox to be overturned by Graves v. Sapient Services, but there had been relentless lobbying against Sonox from the beginning. Religious groups continued to insist that sapients were demons that should be exterminated on sight, while wealthy figures and corporations chafed under the reparations regime instituted by the Carter administration that required all property seized after Griffith to be either returned or compensated.

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The Soviet Union had designed the RPDM-59 (“Ракета Анти-Дед Мороз”) in 1959, the first Anti-Santa missile fielded by a major military power. With a 100-yard diameter shrapnel burst that could easily destroy even an armored sled loaded with metal toys, the weapon had been intended to cripple the Western economy by interrupting the flow of Christmas presents. Problems with IFF led to accusations that the missile was intended to bring down Ded Moroz, the Russian Santa Claus, and though an improved model, the RPDM-66, had been under development, the program was ultimately canceled in 1965.

However, the RPDM-59’s jolly-seeking ability–intended to aid interception if tinsel were deployed as chaff–was further iterated and improved throughout the 1960s and early 1970s. Rather than a stand-off surface-to-air missile, it was incorporated into a short-range man-portable guided rocket (MANPADS). As part of the general War on Humor that had been waged since the October Revolution in 1917, the system was seen as an efficient way of targeting and assassinating dissidents as well as those who had access to black market Western humor.

Eventually fielded as the MG-77 (NATO code name “Mageseeker”) it was the first anti-levity missile introduced into general service. Built on a modified, shortened, version of the K32 Strela-2 platform, the Mageseeker was an 8-lb. missile with a range of roughly 10,000 ft. with either a 2-lb. directed-energy blast fragmentation warhead or 1-lb. high explosive (HE) warhead. A depleted uranium-cored armor-piercing SABOT warhead was tested and deployed in small numbers. The explosive was powerful enough to kill everyone in the same building as the mirthful person painted by the RPDM-59 jolly-seeking radar unit, which in turn spurred development of the MG-77b, a smaller variant based on the RPG-7 platform intended as a single-target killer.

Both the MG-77 and MB-77b were combat-tested in the Angolan Civil War and found to be highly effective against the South African backed UNITA rebels there, especially after KGB agents spread a number of particularly effective knock-knock jokes translated into Umbundu. However, successful as those troop trials were, the MG-77 and MB-77b were total failures when deployed to Afghanistan starting in 1980. The total humorlessness of the fundamentalist mujaheddin fighters arrayed against the Soviet troops, as well as the rampant black humor among Soviet army units, meant that friendly fire incidents were the norm rather than the exception.

While quickly withdrawn from frontline service after a particularly embarrassing incident where the head of the 277th Guards was killed by an MG-77b after making a lewd joke about a subordinate’s wife, a large number of M-77 and M-77b systems were nevertheless manufactured and stockpiled during the 1970s and 1980s, as it was felt that they would be useful in a future war against NATO. After the fall of the Berlin Wall, though, most of the systems were scrapped and spare parts were no longer manufactured. But, as the assassination of the vice president of the Republic of Georgia at a roast in his honor in 2007 proved, either system can still be a potent weapon in the right hands.

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A textbook waits hopefully on the shelf
Brimming with a thousand years of knowledge
Unaware it’s been superseded by a new edition

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