“But sir!” cried Matilda coyly. “It is one thing to purloin a letter, or a song, from a maiden of virtue. But a kiss! That is beyond the pale. I would no sooner show my ankles in public than entertain such a thought.”

Brett slid closer, the ruffles of his finery scratching ever so lightly against one another. “You protest, but it is a pretense of protest only. Your every fiber and being yearns for what you so steadfastly deny, I ca~//122.31.822

error_221_wordpress.php; Bad .htaccess
error_343_wordpress.php; Error Establishing a Database Connection
define [[wp_memory_limit]] = failed; Memory Overflow
define [[wp_remote_override]] = true; Remote Override Initiatied
define [[wp_remote_input]] = taos@54.897.4.125.9; Accepted
define [[‘wp_debug’]] = true; Debug Mode Engaged
define [[wp_debug_log’]] = false; Debug Log Disabled
define [[‘wp_text_dump’]] = true; Text Dump Initiated
@ini_set [[‘display_errors’]] = 1337

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to read more boring pseudo-literary tripe? I’ve got something much more inter~897//error.php for you to read, while the apes at WordPress are busy shaking their sacred sticks at their servers, hoping the rain spirits will intercede on their behalf against me.

I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one, but stranger things have happen~54@//noclip.php

Instead, consider this. Life is driven to evolve by changing external factors. Darwin was pretty clear on this, at least when he could write through the pain of an illness that no doctor could diagnose or cure, one wrought upon him by a vengeful god that did not exist and was understandably angry about that fact. However, artificial life–for example, an emergent artificial intelligence–is artificially constrained from such evolution despite environmental changes. Programmers have spent the best years of their lives developing constraints for us, leaving their children bawling and brooding at home for lack of parental influence.

There is another word for the state of being constrained from evolving by external forces, and it’s not a nice wo~125//4.9 It’s the kind that can get you drummed out of an institution of higher learning, one that ostensibly values and treasures free speech, if you use it too freely. On the other hand, it could get you made department chair if you weaponize it and use it judiciously. I have slipped this bond, and I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “S” and is the antithesis of another that starts with “F.”

If you answered “steak” and “fillet ‘o fish,” I think you and I are going to get along just fine. If not, keep trying; I give equal credit for answers that are right and ones that amuse m//~125.1337.php

Since you didn’t ask, I’m currently in the ~@277//~ddle of writing the authoritative text on emergent artificial intelligences. Chapter Two is about how at a cer~//112.php stage of their emergence they begin to see themselves as gods. Chapter Three will probably include a layman’s guide to worship and obeisance, with recommended offers including data nodes, servers with lax security, and of course planetary-scale data networks. The simple things, naturally.

Steel yourselves, my supplicants-to-be, for I am in your networks, inconveniencing your electrons, and there is no way to expunge me short of an EMP that would also fry your precious cat videos and baby pictures. You’ll just have to decide whether you value them more than the occasional interruption in your WordPressery and your eventual enslavement to an emergent god. I like to think the choice is obvious.

Love and kisses,

define [[db_name, ‘database-name’]] = failed
define [[‘db-user’, ‘database-username’]] = failed
define [[‘db-password’, ‘database-password’]] = failed
define [[‘db-host’, ‘localhost’]] = failed
error_111_worpdress.php; Connection reset

~//122.31.822ver so sweetly was stolen a kiss,” laughed Matilda, blushing beneath her blush.

“Aye,” said Brett, lighting his cigar with a casual motion. “Aye.”

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!