“All right, I officially call the Society for the Creation and Dissemination of Conspiracy Theories to order,” said One. “As you can see in your agenda, first we have some status updates about the theories that were specifically discussed at our last meeting. Two?”

Two stood and read from a paper. “Since the last meeting, we’ve seen strong growth in the number of believers in our previously moribund Electric Car Suppression Conspiracy and Water Fluoridation as Vector for Evil Conspiracy. Increases are in the area of five to ten percent.”

“Impressive,” said Four from the other side of the table. “I take it that the steps you took were successful?”

“Never underestimate the effect of a few good websites and ‘independent’ documentary films,” said Two.

“Excellent. We also have a progress report coming on some of the new theories that were mooted at the last meeting,” One said. “Ten?”

“We’ve gotten decent traction on the Zombie Apocalypse Is Coming But Governments Are Suppressing It Conspiracy,” said Ten. “We were able to pounce on some serendipitous news stories and spin them as Three and Seven suggested.”

“And the other?”

Ten shook his head. “Uptake on the Cats Are Plotting To Kill Us All conspiracy has been rather low, which my sources attribute either to widespread positive consensus among cat haters and widespread cat ownership among cat lovers. The only appreciable success has been in the Middle East, where 3 out of 10 people now believe that stray cats are being used by the Mossad for spying.”

One smiled. “Always good in a pinch, that Mossad. Try spreading around the real-world results of Operation Acoustic Kitty to see if we can’t get that up to 7 out of 10.”

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