“My name is Jess.”

“Hi, Jess!”

“I was driving along, minding my own business, when I saw a really, really cut guy jogging shirtless along the sidewalk. The next thing I knew, my car was filling with water from the fire hydrant I hit.”

“Jess, we hear and feel your pain. This is a place of safety.”

“Yeah, the same thing happened to me! I thought I saw a woman jogging topless on Route 44. It was just a flesh-colored top, but I didn’t realize that until my car was upside-down in the ditch.”

“I was reading a theater marquee when I rear-ended a police car, Jess. I feel your pain.”

“I was picking a particularly stubborn booger when I missed a turn and drove into a lake, Jess. I feel your pain.”

“I was drinking from a Jumbo Squishee when I got a brain freeze and fishtailed into a fruit stand, Jess. I feel your pain.”

“I was doing the Car Dance to a disco song when I tapped my foot on the brake instead of the accelerator and plowed sideways into a Winn-Dixie, Jess. I feel your pain.”

“Yes, we here at the Stupid and Embarrassing Car Accidents Support Group know what you’re going through, and we’re here for you.”

  • Like what you see? Purchase a print or ebook version!