“Doctor, I keep smelling this awful smell wherever I go. I can’t describe it…it’s like the scent of burning hair mixed in with methane from a sewage treatment plant with rotten fish added to taste.”

“I see.”

“And I smell it everywhere. The house, the beach, the flower shop. The most powerful potpourri is helpless against it, it laughs at Febreeze, and scented candles are just balls of wax to it.”

“Well, we’ve run some tests, and-”

“Don’t tell me it’s something wrong with my nose, doctor. I’ve been to the best nose specialists in the country. The top nosemen have said that my nasal cavity is perfectly fine. So don’t patronize me, condescend, or insult my intelligence with any such talk.”

“Oh, I wasn’t about to. No, we’ve found the source of the odor, and I can assure you your nose has nothing to do with it, then.”

“So it’s an elaborate prank? I thought as much. I’ll have to double security, and-”

“No, your nose is just fine. It’s the scent-sensing lobe of your brain that’s the problem. We have uncovered a nasty tumor there, a real bugger.”

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