“Well, doc, I keep having these strange symptoms.”
“Strange in what way?”
“Well, I keep slaying the living and draining their still warm bodies of blood and other fluids with hypodermic fangs. I have developed a severe aversion to sunlight, running water, strongly-presented holy symbols, and slivers of wood.”
“When did these symptoms begin?”
“Not long after Dr. Hardtmann prescribed me Wampiria™, the Once-Daily Pill for Mild to Severe Rheumatoid Porphyric Hemophilia.”
“Did you have Mild to Severe Rheumatoid Porphyric Hemophilia?”
“No, but he prescribed it just in case, as a placebo.”
“That, in a nutshell, is why we can’t have good antibiotics anymore, my friend.”
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 