Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

Satisfy fennel
Organic drizzle oyster
Chorizo around steam

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Make like about
Never him, sweet can
Endive, how claim red
Spread beef sautee, then
Drink, dish salad
Tongue bite, thick with

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Fetch me pillage
Walk the dog
Eat yer oil

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Which fresh cook
Every herb, bone-out
Could menu wine fill?
Bread, bitter pork, you
Down good duck salt
Onions

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Make like about
Would him while
Which how wide than
Every with raise that
Shiver face down with
Timber loot shoot they

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Island foul ship
Ocean we be sink
Mean o’er
Strong shark give
Jewel ghost what

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Ferndale Clinic
The Ferndale Clinic offers natural, holistic medical solutions that do not in any way include secret government funding. It also serves as a trusted dispensary for the town’s prescriptions which do not include any experimental small-batch military serums.

Sowmole School
Riverblossom citizens will assure you that Sowmole is a magical place, full of wonders to delight the mind but also dark perils to snare the unwary. If you have a school-age child, let Sowmole cast its spell over them in time for the Yule Ball!

The Grape Depression Winery
This charming little boozery is the sherry on top of Riverblossom. Don’t let the middling quality of the grapes crush your spirits, just let out a little wine!

Library
Bring up your shelf esteem with a good book! Fully laden book carts is just how the librarians roll. Just don’t get any late fines, or they’ll throw the book at you.

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Riverblossom Town Hall
Previously Riverblossom Village Hall, this structure was massively upgraded and refitted after the birth of Morton Globbens put Riverblossom over the coveted 1000-person threshold.

Spring Valley Church of the River Blossoms
This sect, unique to Riverblossom Isle, follows an unusual interpretation of the word. They replace every mention of any plant in the scriptures with a river blossom, adamantly insisting that this is closest to the true text. Lily Sunday is a popular favorite, as are the Christmas Lilies available in December.

The Electric Company Art Gallery
Once a mere prosaic substation, this structure is now filled with a different kind of electricity in the form of interpretive dance and poetry slams. Providing Riverblossom with its recommended dose of Vitamin Art, the gallery is always at the bleeding edge of the avant-garde and the teetering edge of financial insolvency.

Carre Park
Named after the landscape architect’s favorite spy novelist, Carre Park is the world’s first park expressly designed for intrigue. Despite being perfectly designed for clandestine rendezvous, dead drops, and other thrilling activities, no known espionage has occurred there.

Petite Puppers Dog Park
Funded by a bequest from wealthy eccentric and animal hoarder Edna Cayness, Petite Puppers caters to pooches from all walks of life. From its fields of well-fertilized grass to its locally famous dog water, Petite Puppers is truly off the chain.

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And yea did the waters of life FLOW from the dumpster behind Stubb’s Coffee #3891. They were commingled into a vast and fertile DELTA on the bluffs overlooking the drainage ditch, and for those for whom coffee was not a TOXIN, it was a period of PLENTY.

While slugs, snails, and mosquitoes were UNABLE to live in the Stubbs Delta, ants, wasps, and bees, who were all resistant to its effects, THRIVED. The bluffs became a warren of hymenopterid life, overrun with social insects possessed of LIMITLESS sugar and ABUNDANT energy. The ants even successfully COLONIZED the far bank of the drainage ditch, which to them was the equivalent of the MOON LANDING.

But then the Great Java Crash hit, and everything CHANGED.

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“I’m surprised you’re not cosplaying as Jabba the Hutt,” said Shreve with a sneer. “You have the body for it.”

“I have no desire to be choked by Carrie Fisher,” Sherwood Greg snapped back. “Once was enough.”

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