April 16, 2020
A smaller world
But a better one?
Birds outside
Singing sweetly
Nothing different
In their world
They gorge
At the feeder
Greedy, heedless
Until emptiness
Placards abound
Protests over
Smaller worlds
On capitol steps
The same greed
The same seed
The same gulps
The same fate
April 15, 2020
Once the northern heartland of the Crimson Empire, Vacij is a kingdom in name only, its High King a monarch only in the sense that he or she is first among equals and casts the second vote in the election of the Sepulcher’s holy head.
In practice, Vacij is hundreds of smaller and practically independent principalities. These tend to take a few basic forms:
Petty Kingdoms
Many of the small states are ruled by nominal kings, and usually consist of only a few small cities or valleys. There are a large number of Dwarven-dominated kingdoms in the north of Vacij, as well as elven Dominates where elf retainers and functionaries have supplanted earlier rulers and attracted their kinfolk in numbers. The states of Goblin March are unique among the mainland kingdoms in being populated by and ruled by goblins, though nearly all are in thrall to or owe fealty to other states and are crippled by ruinous taxes and troop levies.
Sepulcherates
Many parts of Vacij are controlled by the Sepulcher directly, though the priests typically delegate the actual ruling to local functionaries who are, for all intents and purposes, nobles themselves. Sepulcherates vote earlier in the elections for High King, and exercise undue weight in the selection of the favored Vaciji candidate to head the Sepulcher. Sepulcherates are also exempt from the High King’s troop levies and taxes, which are controlled by the Sepulcher itself, though the prince-bishops are usually more than willing to place their troops at the High King’s disposal in emergencies.
Free States
During the great Vacij Rebellions, serf throughout the principalities rose up in revolt and demanded meaningful change. After defeating the High King’s troops at Bloody River, they were granted a number of concessions–serfdom was abolished throughout Vacij, and the largest areas in rebellion were allowed to organize themselves as the Free States provided they took a nominal oath of loyalty to the High King. In practice, though, serfdom was replaced with peonage and the Free States soon came under the domination of merchants and corrupt “elected” officials. Once seen as a beacon of freedom and hope, the Free States are often seen as anarchic and unpleasant.
Royal Cities
The largest and most cosmopolitan cities in Vacij have attained self-government, usually under a local prince or king but sometimes an elected city council. They tend to be highly influential commercially, but are very vulnerable to sieges, boycotts, and blockades due to their lack of any agricultural or pasture land.
The Isle of Vacij
Usually simply called “The Isle” or “The Island,” this is the small (and non-contiguous) amount of land controlled by the High King directly. As Vacij has no capital, the royal court instead traveling between fortified cities regularly, the Isle is only loosely connected with the High King, though the best troops and fortifications are usually found there, to give the High King a base of power in the event of a not-infrequent civil war or dynastic struggle.
In the words of the most recent High King of Vacij, Saksa VII the Scholar, “If not for the tendency for the Vaciji to unite in the face of an external threat, they would have been conquered long ago. If not for their tendency to turn on one another immediately afterwards, they would have been the conquerors long ago as well.”
April 14, 2020
No known person by the name “Vos” exists; rather, this is the best guess at a corroded and worn inscription atop the body of this cowbell. Likely made in the mid 20th century, it would be otherwise unremarkable among items in the Hoard but for its most curious property.
When struck, the bell will attract cattle from up to two miles away. The bovines will come peacefully, but if anyone or anything impedes their movement they will become violent. Smashing fences, kicking open barn doors, and even tramplings and stampedes have been known to occur.
Upon reaching their destination, the cows loiter about–as if waiting for something–for one hour. After that, they gradually wander off, with most returning to wherever they came from. An analysis of scratches on the surface of the Bell of Vos reveals marks from two different kinds of strikers, while only one striker–a metal rod of the same age and construction–survives. Striking it with another material might produce a different effect, but given the dire outcome of experiments so far, further research is unlikely.
April 13, 2020
Judd Hogarth
The latest in a long line of hog farmers, Judd began his own farm with only two things: a plot of land and Squiggles the Wonder Pig. He has been devastated by Squiggles’ disappearance, and maintains that his prize sow has ascended to be matriarch of a celestial piggery owned and operated by the Watcher. Uncommonly neat and personable for a hoggist, Judd is a master salesman so long as he doesn’t have to deal with children, which he considers to be the true pigs of the world.
Dagny Hogarth
Judd’s bride, Dagny is new to the hogging trade, having come from a family of poulters instead. Despite initial hardships, she has remained steadfast and loyal to Judd, if less so to Squiggles the Wonder Pig. In fact, some attribute Squiggles’ mysterious disappearance (or ascension) to her jealousy. Her occasional bouts of pig-related melodrama aside, Dagny nevertheless wants to have kids despite Judd’s opposition, even if she does sometimes forget to feed the family she already has.
April 12, 2020
“She’s the flower of our swamp” the orcs utter with pride
When Swampflower’s in bloom, best have caution on your side
Orcs from miles around will descend upon her wilds
To fight one another for the honor of siring her child
Win or lose it matters not for eight to nine months hence
A war raid for baby shower follows as a consequence
April 11, 2020
The two small ornate daggers are in stiletto or “rib-slipper” form, each with a crossguard made of baroque finials and a handle that resembles an armed knight in a sentinel position. Both weapons are identical, though Dagger B has has its blade bent slightly over the years. Neither come with a sheath, though there are pictures of sheathes that have been custom-fabricated for them.
“P’theyj” isn’t inscribed anywhere on the daggers–indeed, they have no known markings at all, which has complicated any estimate of their age. Rather, they were given that name by a prior owner, Giuseppe d’Angelo, a silversmith in Venetia who bought the daggers as part of a scrap consignment from the Ubrezzi estate.
In letters to his colleagues and family, d’Angelo wrote a fanciful version of the daggers’ history, including possession by Charlemagne and other factors that are unlikely given the design and patina of the weapons. He further added that they had been forged for one “P’theyj” who would yet claim them, insisting that the name belonged to a future owner that had not been born yet and was of a species not yet evolved. His will insisted that “P’theyj” be given rights to the daggers, but they were instead sold at auction, passing hence into the Hoard,
April 10, 2020
Buckbark continued eating his sandwich, unaware–or not caring–how uncomfortable it seemed to make Mujiff.
“The problem is, we usually place a Series 10 with a target for one of two purposes. Intelligence-gathering, or assassination.”
“I don’t need a lecture on your unit’s questionable wetwork,” Mujiff said. “I need a reason for Unit 10-11 going around attached to a real family, one on whom there is no intelligence and no kill order in the databases!”
Another long, leisurely bite followed. “Well, it’s simple. 10-11 has implanted on them,” Buckbark said, mayonnaise dripping from the corners of his mouth. “It was probably subjected to a shock–electrical, physical, magnetic–which rebooted it and allowed it to imprint on whoever found it.”
“I see,” Mujiff said. “And placing these Series 10s…how is that done?”
“It’s the old story about a changeling,” said Buckbark. “We take the target’s biological child, do a quick and dirty brain-dump, and replace them with a Series 10. The child gets a wet-wipe and goes into the foster pipeline, and the Series 10 arranges for itself to be destroyed along with its targets. If it’s an assassination; intelligence-gathering is just a matter of reversing the brain-dump and wet-wipe, of course.”
Mujiff leaned over Buckbark’s desk. “Are you telling me,” he said, “that there’s a Series 10 out there, with a family that may or may not have been targeted, and that it has imprinted on them?”
April 9, 2020
Takenaka Akira swung his sword again, a weak, wild blow that Chihiro easily parried with the Unmei no Fuguhiki.
“Always the favorite,” he snarled. “The best apprenticeship, the best skills, the apple of our parents’ eye. And what was left for me? You took even my good-for-nothing son.”
“I am sorry,” Chihiro said. “You must know that my thoughts have ever been with you since our separation.”
“Your thoughts?” Akira lashed out with his blade again, drawing a drop of blood as Chihiro moved the blow aside. “I couldn’t eat your thoughts, brother! I couldn’t hear them! Would it have wounded the great and beloved chef-in-training to send his brother money? Or even a letter?”
“I was busy. With my studies.” With each parrying blow, Chihiro’s grip on the Unmei slackened. “I didn’t think-”
“Finally a bit of truth,” Akira snarled. “You didn’t think. I was just some abstract thing to you, not a real flesh and blood brother! I did what I had to do to survive, while you grew fat on the dishes you made!”
April 8, 2020
The northern cardinal’s scientific name is Cardinalis cardinalis. A group of two or more males in called a conclave. Every few years, a very large conclave will gather. The cardinal that wins the election will become the bird pope, and grow a coat of pure white feathers with a crest that is much larger and tinged with gold.
April 7, 2020
Pexate and Layyia, the “warring brothers” or “squabbling sisters,” were once both part of the great Crimson Empire. As imperial power crumbled, Pexate was the first to be abandoned, while Layyia was close to the imperial heartlands and remained loyal to the Emperor until the final collapse nearly a thousand years later. That lengthy separation led the two kingdoms, of otherwise similar size and climate, to take sharply divergent paths.
Guarded by the mountains that form its border with Layyia, Pexate developed an independent streak with a great deal of power concentrated in the hands of the nobility. In Layyia, however, the kings were much more successful at imposing their will on their nobles. Perhaps this was because of their (supposedly) direct descent from the last of the Crimson Emperors; in any event, Layyia remained secure under a number of strong kings until the Layyian Plague, which saw five monarchs in five years succumb, including the infamous “year of three kings” in which King Fraen V reigned for only 88 days.
The death of so many senior claimants to the throne, and plague’s privations elsewhere, kept the Layyians from interfering in the affairs of their neighbors for some time–they never attempted to invade during the ten years of Uxbridge’s Anarchy, for instance, nor did they attempt to end the Most Serene Republic of Pexate which followed. Rather than regional barons asserting their authority, the various dukes, marquesses, and earls of Layyia instead backed a variety of candidates to the throne in an ongoing hot-and-cold civil war.
Chroniclers have called these claimants the “Lights of Layyia,” often depicting them as candles in a candelabra. This was both because the claimants represented some of Layyia’s brightest stars, and because they had an unfortunate tendency to be snuffed out.
Excerpts From Nonexistent Books 