“Now we just enter the Schrodinger Splitter, and we’ll see one contestant head to the right and the other to the left, as a result of a quantum causality waveform!” Llesco’s synthetic voice, doing a spot-on imitation of a laconic mid-20th-century sportscaster, warbled over the arena speakers.

“Do you have any idea what those words mean, Llesco?” said its counterpart, Satsoc, with an early-21st-century drawl.

“Not a bit, Satsoc. Not programmed to! But it’s amazing technology, and what better use for it than blood sport with no lasting consequences for the spacetime continuum?”

“Sort of like using advanced, emergent artificial intelligence to do color commentary for said bloodsport?”

“Exactly!” Llesco said with artificial enthusiasm. In the arena, the Splitter snapped, crackled, and popped as the contestant took two differing skeins simultaneously, resulting in two nigh-identical copies emerging into the arena.

“Well, Herr Schrodinger has come through for us once again,” Satsoc said, “and the result is once again better than any mere cat!”

“For those of you just joining us, we’ll be referring to the contestant that comes out of the right gate as Righty, with their opposite number being Lefty. The rules are simple: murder, or be murdered.” Llesco sounded positively bloodthirsty despite its monotone.

“And don’t leave the arena,” Satsoc added. “Snipers are standing by to prevent any paradoxes, causality snarls, and CP violations. Not that I’m programmed to know what any of those are, but they sure sound bad.”

Below the speakers, the contestant was readying for the bout, the two copies doing brief, jumpy calisthenics before the bell rung and they raced off to find weapons.

“It’s a good thing that he’s such a sport, eh? said Satsoc.

“Considering that the alternative is a state-sponsored execution, I’d say they’re doing just fine,” replied Llesco.

Next in line, waiting at the opening into the Schrodinger Splitter, the final contestant of the day was already formulating a plan to break the cycle.

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