November 9, 2015

From “The International Brotherhood of Whitefaces, Augustes, and Characters Code of Clownduct” by Anonymous

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NOTICE
Boffo Bros. Circus LLC GmbH reminds you that, as clowns and members of the International Brotherhood of Whitefaces, Augustes, and Characters, you are bound by its Code of Clownduct. This means:

-No alcohol during performances or backstage. Each pink elephant parade incurs major cleanup fees.

-No sharp corners on makeup, and no incomplete makeup. People are scared of us enough as is without looking like The Joker.

-25 clowns to a car or less. 12 clowns to a phone booth or less. The crash that took 47 lives in 2010 must never be repeated.

-Only soundalike or public domain songs to be used in the performances. The lawsuit with Smokey Robinson was very expensive.

-Animals in pratfalls are limited to 200 lbs. or less. We all remember what happened to Jumbo.

-Setzer water is to be used FOR PERFORMANCES ONLY. Anyone caught taking bottles home will be docked pay. This goes for pies as well.

-We have had reports of clown costumes and makeup that mock contemporary figures in politics and art. While this was once acceptable, now there are too many lawyers for this to be feasible. The People of the State of California vs. “Governor Jerry Clown” was another major expense.

Inspired by the song ‘Uriah Heep’ by Hiroki Kikuta, released under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license.

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December 10, 2010

From “The Acrobatic Warmacks” by Sasha Belinda Cruz

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“The problem,” Pilsudski said, chomping on his cigar, “is that people don’t come for the tumbling.”

“You’ve heard the cheering during our act,” Warmack said. “Don’t try and tell me that’s not real.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Pilsudski continued. “The tumbling’s part of the experience. But people don’t come to the circus for highwire acts anymore. They come for elephants, lions, clowns, and the sideshow. That’s what they remember, and that’s what they ask for by name. Not the tumblers. You hear cheers? Yeah. Listen during the clowns or the critters and tell me which is louder.”

“What are you saying?”

Cigar smoke wreathed Pilsudski’s features. “I’m saying that, if you and your troupe want to continue on, I expect things to be jazzed up. The weakest link breaks the chain, you know. You’ve got my leave to try some new angles as you will, but if things stay as they are…next dry spell, you’re out of here with all the other tumblers and I use the money to get another elephant.”